True Art in the Real World
by VeeandreaHart
Summary: Five members of the Akatsuki are transported into the real world where they meet Spunky yet crazy Kalika, short-tempered Sebastian, and Alex. While they stay with the three weirdos, secrets come out, romances ensue, and some other third thing...summary sucks, just give me a chance? Rated for Hidan's mouth and my dirty mind...
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note! New story! Yay! Give me a chance! Pwetty please? I'll be your bestest friend? I'll let you have a Deidara clone? Hey, heads up notice, in my story Tobi is just Tobi, okay? There's no Madara in disguise. It's just…Tobi. Get it? **

**Disclaimer: if I owned Naruto, I would chance the title to Akatsuki, where I would kidnap every member and clone them and distribute them to my closest friends, reviewers, and…I'd feed them pudding. I'd befriend Tobi and team up with him to annoy Deidara leading to the whole you know Tobi-actually-being-Madara thing there…But I don't so…no clones for you…or me…**

"Get back here you bitch!" my brother shouted at me, chasing me up the stairs. I know what you're thinking; he's being mean, right? Well, not really…I kinda deserved it. What did I do, you may ask? Or do you just not care? Too bad I'm telling you anyways… CUE FLASHBACK!

_*Flashback*_

"_Hey, I have a friend over," Sebastian told me. I looked at him in shock, following him into the kitchen, which was mine, by the way. It's MY kitchen. MY house. Mine. Not his. Mine!_

"_Stephanie, this is my sister Kalika," my brother introduced. "Kika, this is Stephanie."_

"_Stephanie," I said, testing out the name. "St-eph-an-ie. Stephanie. Sssssssssstephanie. Yes, yes, Stephanie. It's a pretty name."_

"_Thank you," the girl replied._

"_But!" I snapped. "Is it your real name?"_

"_Um…yes…it is," she looked at me weird._

"_Sebastian has a girlfriend."_

"_Yes, I know," Stephanie replied, nodding._

"_Just making sure that my brothers not a cheater-pants…" I said, strolling around the kitchen. I started to do the dishes. I took out a bowl from the kitchen and froze. Why, you may ask. Because it wasn't emptied. It had some melted ice cream and a giant marshmallow in it. And a PLASTIC spoon. Why? Why would someone put a PLASTIC spoon in the sink? I tell them all the time; just throw the plastic utensils away, but do they listen? NO!_

_The nerve!_

_I smashed the bowl onto the ground, and spun around quick. "It was you!" I yelled pointing at the girl._

_Stephanie's eyes widened in shock. "What do you mean?"_

"_You put the freaking full bowl of melted ice cream AND a plastic utensil into the sink?" I screeched. "Get out!"_

"_What?"_

"_GET! OUT!" I shouted, pointing at the door._

"_But…but…" she stammered, looking at Sebastian._

_Sebastian sighed. "Kalika, you can't kick people out of my house."_

"_Your house?" I yelled. "This is MY house! I bought it. I pay the rent! I clean it! You just live here, but this is MY house! And I want that non-bowl clearing, plastic utensil reuser out of my house now!" I yelled, picking up a knife and slamming it into the countertop._

_Stephanie—looking like she was about to pee her pants—jumped up and ran out of the house, forgetting her coat. I started laughing—kinda like a mad scientist, but maybe a little off. To me it sounds like Hidan when he laughs._

_Sebastian glared at me, and I automatically stopped laughing. "What?" I asked innocently._

"_I left the bowl in the sink, not Stephanie," he growled._

"_Oh…hahaha…that's…funny?"_

_He slowly shook his head. "Run." Was all he said, and I did. I ran down the hallway and up the stairs, so now we're all up to date, so END FLASHBACK!_

_*End Flashback*_

So I ran up the stairs, all three flights of them, and dashed into my room, where I collapsed onto my floor. "Who the fuck are you, bitch?" I heard someone shout.

I looked up and saw four people standing in my room. Four random people, to whom I have never seen before, in my room. So I did what any sane person would do. I jumped up off the floor and ran up to them, giving the one in the mask a big hug, just because…

"Tobi like pretty girl hugging him," the masked person cheered.

I pulled away from the hug and looked at the other three. They were all wearing the same cloak-y things. There were three guys and one girl. Well, I think the one in the mask—Tobi? Did he say his name was Tobi?—is a guy.

"Hey, Alex!" I called. Hearing a faint "yeah" in reply, I shouted, "Did you invite people over?"

I heard Alex come up the stairs. "No, I didn't. Why?" she questioned, coming to a stop in the doorway. She let out this really loud fangirl squeal and ran over to the one I just hugged. "OhmiJashin! It's Tobi!"

"See," I said, smugly. "I converted you into a Jashinist! Muahahahaha!"

"You're a Jashinist too, bitch?" this really tall one with gray hair and a scythe questioned.

"Me?" I asked, innocently.

"Yeah, you. You fucking bitch…"

"Alex, did you hear that?" I said.

"Hear what?" Alex asked, still hugging that Tobi character.

"He doesn't even know me, yet he knows my nickname. How does one accomplish that?"

"I don't know, ask him. I'm busy hugging Tobi!"

"Tobi likes it when Tobi gets hugged from pretty girls!" Tobi shouted.

"Answer me, bitch. Are you or are you not a fucking Jashinist?" the guy asked me again.

"I am at heart," I replied.

"At heart? What the fuck?"

"See I was born a Hindu, technically, seeing as I'm a Hindu goddess and all, but I worship Jashin."

"That's cool, I guess. Hey bitch, what's your name?" he asked.

"Me be Kallllllllliiiiiiikka!" I cleared my throat. "I meant I am Kalika. That's K-A-L-I-K-A. Learn it, live it, love it, dickface."

He laughed. "The names Hidan, bitch."

"Who're your friends?" I asked innocently. See, I'm so nice! I'm being polite and everything; well, minus the dickface comment…but who counts those anyway?

"Friends?" he laughed again. "They're teammates, bitch. That girl with the violet hair, that's Konan. And the one with the mask is Tobi, as you already fucking know. And that little fucker, with the long hair, is Deidara…" Hidan paused, seeming to think. Then he added "un."

The blond guys face turned bright red. "That's not funny, yeah!"

I blinked, thinking. "I…I'm confused…so very confused…" then I dropped myself to the ground and started crawling towards my marker basket. "I have markers! Can we color? Please? Pretty please? Alex can I color, pleaseee?"

"I'm hugging Tobi!" she snapped.

"Yay, I get to color!" I grabbed my favorite marker, the purple one, stood up, and walked over to Hidan. "Do you want to help me color? Please, dickface? Pretty please?"

"Sure, what the fuck, I'll help you color," he said.

"Tobi thinks other pretty girl should ask sempai to help her color! Sempai is good at art! Tobi loves sempai!" Tobi yelled.

"Sempai?" I was really confused now.

"That's me, hmm," Deidara spoke up.

"Oh," I nodded. "I like pudding." Then I took Hidan's arm, uncapped my marker and started coloring Hidan's arm purple.

"What the fuck are you doing, bitch?" he yelled.

I shook my head. "Just what I thought, purple looks horrible on you, guess I won't be dying your hair while you sleep." I shrugged. "Oh, well, Deidara! Deidara! Deidara!"

"Yeah?"

"I need you over here, 'cause I'm confused, so I need your help, and ALEX STOP HUGGING TOBI!"

"Fine!" Alex snapped. "Come on Tobi; let's go see what Kalika wants."

"Yay! Tobi will come because Tobi's a GOOD BOY!"

"Yes you are," Alex nodded. "What do you want, Kikerz?"

"Kee-kerz?" I questioned, but waved it away. "Whatever. How do you know these people?"

"They're in the anime that we watch? Remember?"

My eyes widened. "OHMIFUCKINGGOD! You're Deidara!" I pointed at the blond.

He seemed taken aback by my sudden outburst. "Y-yes, I am, un."

I tackled him. "I love you! Oh my Jashin, how did I not notice this? Wow, I'm slow…"

So Alex started hugging Tobi again, and I was hugging Deidara. And this is when Sebastian walked in.

You know what he saw? Do you? He saw Alex hugging a strange masked man who continuously yelled that he was a good boy in a third person narrative, and me on top of a blond guy—who could be mistaken as a girl—on the floor.

But you know what he did? He shouted. "Konan!"

Yeah, she's still there, standing quietly in a corner. She looked at him, and seemed to freeze. "My name's Sebastian," my brother said, more calmly.

"Hello," she said politely. Yeah, they're so going to end up together. Well, I let go of Deidara, who probably thought I was crazy and psychopathic—but then again, who didn't?—and stood up, offering my hand to help the blond up.

He hesitantly took my hand, and I was ecstatic to find out that he had mouths on his hands, just like in Naruto. "What is going on here?" I heard a voice say from my doorway. I let go of Deidara's hand, and spun around.

"Sasori," I said simply. He glared at me.

"Brat," he said, addressing Deidara. "Who is that?" yeah, he thinks I'm sexy.

"I believe her name is Kalika, yeah."

"What kind of name is that?" the redhead asked me.

"Sanskrit," I replied. "It means 'she who destroys.'"

"Hmm," he said, nodding in acknowledgement. "I see, what are your views on art? The brat thinks it's fleeting, but I think it's eternal. What do you think?"

I pondered a moment. "Art can be anything. It's a way to express yourself when words can't. It can be fleeting or eternal. To some it means everything while to others it means nothing. To tell you the truth, I love both of your types of art, but I like mine a little more."

"Why, un?" Deidara questioned.

"Because it's both fleeting and eternal," I shrugged.

"Show it to me" Sasori demanded.

"I'm busy right now, gosh. Hey, Tobi, I need to talk to you!" I skip over to the masked man.

"Yes, Kalika-Chan?" he asked innocently.

I leaned in to whisper in his ear, so that no one else could hear me. "I have some candy hidden in here, and I'm willing to share some with you if you annoy the hell out of Deidara-kun. You'd do that for me, right? Because Tobi's a good boy?"

"Yeah! Tobi is a good boy!" he shouted as he ran over to Deidara and started bothering him. Not even a minute passed before Deidara was about to blow Tobi up.

I ran up to them. "No! No blowing people up, you silly little pyromaniac you."

"But he's bothering me, yeah," he retorted.

"But I told him to bother you…"

"Why would you do that, hmm?"

"Because I wanted to see how well your temper holds up," I smiled. "If I were you, I'd think about some anger management."

"Or he could just beat up Itachi," Sebastian smirked. "Oh, yeah, that's right, he can't!"

Now Deidara looked really pissed off. "You leave my Dei-kun alone!" I hugged him.

Sebastian murmured something about "weird Japanese anime artists" and I jumped in to defend Sasori too. "Leave my little Scorpion out of this, Fudgenut!"

"I like your style, bitch," Hidan said coming into the room.

I let go of Deidara and ran to Hidan jumping into his arms. "Yay! Hidan's not mad at me for coloring him purple! Yayyyyyyy!"

"TOBI WANTS TOBI'S CANDYYYYY! TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!"

**Ending author's note: So, how'd you like it so far? Why don't you review and tell me, but no flames. That was chapter one—or should this just be a one-shot? Two-shot? Three-shot? Is there such thing? I don't know but please leave comments! Because I love to know what all of you beautiful people think of my shit.**

**Loves and hugs,**

**Yours psychotically,**

**Vee**


	2. Chapter 2

**Woot! Chapter Two! Thank you for all the wonderful reviews, I really appreciate them! I also want to thank all of you who read this and added it to favorites or for story alert! And a special thanks to ForASunset'sRise for everything!**

**Okay, Disclaimer time: I do not own Naruto, if I did, Deidara wouldn't die and Tobi wouldn't be Madara. But I don't…I only own Kalika, Alex, and Sebastian. Oh and I don't own friendly's either. Or the Maine. Or ice cream 'because I ate it all…**

**Anywhaayyyyzz, onward with the story!**

Okay so maybe giving Tobi candy wasn't the best idea in the world. Because right now, I really wish that I were Deidara and could just…BOOM! No more Tobi. But then Alex would be mad and I'd be homeless and that would not be fun. So no Tobi go boom today…

Well, while the members of the Akatsuki were trying to calm Tobi down, I decided to have a meeting… "Yo, Fudgenut number One and Fudgenut number Two, I'm calling an emergency Senior Bueve's spazzy spiffy club of awesomeness club meeting now!" I announced loudly.

Sasori looked at me weirdly and Hidan yelled, "Bitch, we can't go now-"

"I wasn't talking to you, dickface," I interrupted him. "I was talking to Fudgenut number one and Fudgenut number two, not you guys," I rolled my eyes. "Alex, Sebastian, come."

We exited the room, closing the door behind us and made our way into our secret meeting room…i.e. the dining room, yeah…so secret…

"So, what's this meeting about, Kikerz?" Alex asked me.

"It's about this," I said. "My dream come true! My favorite characters from Naruto, here, in my bedroom! Now, we have to…we have to…to…" I looked around, searching under my chair, under the table, everywhere. "Where the fuck is it?"

"Where's what?" Sebastian asked.

"My obsessive notebook of pure obsessiveness…" I stood up, looking on the shelves. "I know it was in here somewhere…OH, NOPE, no it's not. It's in my room, silly me," I giggled, walking through the doorframe, I called over my shoulder. "I'll be back…momentarily…"

Skipping up the stairs, I started humming. It was just some random thing…no particular song…

I opened the door to my bedroom. "That's weird," I said. "I could've sworn I left this open…"

"No you didn't, bitch," came Hidan's voice. "What is this?"

"What's what, my fellow Jashinist?" I froze. "Oh…didn't we tell you guys that you're not actually supposed to be real? That you're just characters from a popular anime? Hmm, guess it slipped my mind. I meant to tell you guys. Sorry. But as you can see from all those pictures in that binder, I'm kinda obsessed with that particular show…Naruto!"

I grabbed the binder from Hidan's hands and tucked it under my arm. "Deidara, why are you looking through my biology textbook?" I asked the blond who was staring at the front cover. "Oh…never mind…just ignore me…that's fine! I see how it is! I-"

"Why is my face in this book," he interrupted my rant.

"Huh?" I walked up behind him, trying to look over his shoulder. "Damn boy, you too tall! Squat down, so I can _view_ what you talking about!"

Deidara sighed, and squatted down. "Ooooh! I drew that!"

"You…drew that, un?"

"Well, yeah…why? You don't like it," I started to fake cry. "because if you don't like it, I can just…I can just erase it…"

"No, I mean, it looks just like me, yeah," he said. "How…?"

I smiled. "Oh well, that's an easy one," I laughed, taking my phone out of my right butt pocket—man, I love jeans.

I unlocked it using my super-secret password—Deidara's name (insert eye roll)—and went to my pictures. "Let's see, saved pictures. Yeah. Now I'm scrolling down…yeah, here we go." I clicked on the picture which I used to draw Deidara with. I showed it to him. "See? That's how!"

He stared at my phone. "Why do you have my picture on that thing?"

"My phone? Oh, well, because, I think you're shmexxyyy…" I said the last part quietly, hoping he wouldn't hear it, but, yet again, I was disappointed.

"You think I'm…shmexy?" he asked. "What does that mean, un?"

I looked at him and pretended to listen for something. "Oh, yeah, Alex I'll be right down!" I yelled. "Love you, Dei. Bye, Tobi, love you others!"

And I ran out of my room and down my stairs. God I'm doing so much running today. Did I mention I hate running? I think it's a waste of effort. Stupid running…here's the junk, unless I'm being chased by some creepy pedophile in a white van, then I am not going to run, but I've broken that rule twice today…TWICE!

Whatever, onward with the story…so I got back to the meeting room, with my obsessive Akatsuki binder under my arm. I held it up in triumph. "I got it!"

I sat at the head of the table, and opened my binder to the first folder that-thank Jashin!—Hidan didn't see yet. I took out the folder and took out a stack of papers. "One hundred and fifty plus ways to annoy the Akatsuki," I said with a devious grin on my face. ""Now, I decree that we do NOT annoy Konan, 'because she's cool. And I like her. And I don't think Tobi can be annoyed, so we'll count him out…Sebastian, you're on Deidara duty-"

"Why can't you be on Deidara duty?" he interrupted.

"Because! I loooove—I like him. I like him ad I don't want to be the one bothering him. Alex and I will split Hidan and Sasori duty. Got it? GOT IT?"

"Yeah, but if any other Akatsuki members poof here, you're taking them," Alex said. "I do NOT have a death wish."

"Okayyyy! I'll have so much fun! Now this is what we'll do…" so I took out some highlighters and highlighted the ones that each of us would do, in different colors of course! Alex was pink, Sebastian was blue and I was purple, obviously.

It's funny because as soon as I highlighted the last one, our five guests walked into the room. I immediately flipped the pages over. "And that is why we need jobs. We need to fix the door knobs AND! Sebastian, you have to put the ceiling fan back up."

"I already did that," he said.

"What?" Sebastian pointed up and I looked only to see that he was right. "Oh, well, does it work?"

"Yeah, Sebastian, did you do the electrical wiring?" Alex asked.

"Yes."

"I want to know if it works!" I demanded. Amazingly enough, the Akatsuki members were really quiet, even Tobi—which is kinda funny seeing as I just gave him candy…

"Okay," Sebastian said, standing up to pull the string.

"Wait!"

"What could you possibly want now, Kalika Dylan Marvil?"

I was taken aback. "Whoa, no need to use my full name…Jashin! I was just gonna get the fire extinguisher, gooooshhhhh!" and with that I skipped away into the kitchen, grabbed the, guess what color?, purple extinguisher. I then skipped back into the dining room-slash-meeting hall. "Okay, you can pull it now," I said, standing in between Konan and Sasori.

Sebastian started the fan which started to spin. "Wow, what do you know, it works!" Alex exclaimed.

"Wait! Give me a second…Five, Cuatro, Three, Dos, One!" and poof. A fire! I stood there, staring at the flame with my mouth hanging open. Did I mention I like fire? A lot? That's what happens when you're father was a fire demon and you're the Hindu goddess of death and destruction, but that's a story for another time.

Oh and I had the fire extinguisher in my hand too. I don't know how to work it though. Which is kind of weird if you think of how many fires we've had in this household.

But Sebastian said I wasn't allowed to use it. he said something about how I would never stop playing with it or something.

To tell you the truth, I would play with it all the time. It would be like my newest toy!

Yeah, well, back to the current problem at hand. My ceiling is on fire. Oh, and Sebastian is yelling at me and just yanked the fire extinguisher out of my hand.

"HEY!" I yelled. "It's rude to snatch!" I hit the extinguisher out of his hand, and threw it across the room, where it burst into flames. How does that happen? I do not know…

It's really funny, this one time I was washing my hands and the toilet burst into flames. I thought it was cool so I went to get some snacks to watch it, but when I came back, Sebastian had put it out. Then he yelled at me and called me incompetent, and he made me cry.

"Now what the fuck are we gonna do," Sebastian yelled at me.

"Um…have you forgotten?" I sassed. "One-half Fire demon, right here." I walked over to the extinguisher and put my hands in the flames. Concentrating on my breathing, I felt the heat being sucked into my blood stream.

_Now that I have some fire in my blood_, I thought. _I can just…_I closed my fist, and the ceiling was left, charred.

I smiled, proud of my handiwork.

Now Sebastian is yelling at me again, and I feel like I'm gonna cry. I hate it when people yell at me.

My bottom lip started to quiver, and I knew I was gonna cry. Oh Jashin, please don't let me cry. And…another prayer goes unanswered by my god.

See, when I cry, it's not like in the movies. It is NOT attractive. My face gets red and puffy and I can't breathe which triggers my asthma.

Well, I guess, it's a good thing that I'm still in the silent crying stage. I put my head down, with my hair covering my face. Sebastian is still yelling at me. I feel the tears that are running down my face.

I take in a big gasp of air, great now I'm going into the all-out crying stage. This stage includes whimpering and crying and gasping and the puffy red face.

"stop…" I murmured. But I don't think he heard me. Maybe I didn't actually say it out loud.

I turned around before anyone could see my tears and went up to my room, two steps at a time.

Closing my door now. Now I'm locking it, no one can see me cry, that doesn't happen. Now I'm lying on my bed, crying into my pillow.

I hate how whenever someone yells at me, I cry. I'm too emotional. I hate how I cry and I hate how easily someone can make me cry. And I especially hate how my favorite characters of the Akatsuki saw me cry.

I hate people and I hate the world and I hate my life and I hate…this stage of my crying sequence. This is when I get really angry at anything and everything. I tend to destroy things too.

I dug in my marker basket and pulled out the sharpies that I stole form Sebastian a while ago. Then I started blasting my Sad Songs Playlist, and Misery by the Maine started blasting through my speakers.

Uncapping the markers, I walked over to my white wall, writing along with the lyrics.

_I'll say this once again. You people, you aren't my friends._

_The devil he can command. Tonight. That's right._

_Looking for misery, but she found me, lying naked on the floor._

_I was heading insane. The devil told me his name, but he's not welcome here. Anymore_

Now I moved over to the next wall, seeing as I wrote too big to write more than the first verse on this one_._

_Tell me what do you see? (What do you see?) when you're looking at me? (When you look at me?)_

_The sense of responsibility is killing me, inside._

The music picked up, becoming louder, and I sang along. Well, more like, I screamed along.

_LOOKING FOR MISERY, BUT SHE FOUND ME, LYING NAKED ON THE FLOOR! STAY AWAY SWEET MISERY!_

_I WAS HEADINF INSANE. THE DEVIL TOLD ME HIS NAME, BUT HE'S NOT WELCOME HERE, ANYMORE. STAY AWAY SWEET MISERY!_

*Sebastian's point of view*

"LOOKING FOR MISERY, BUT SHE FOUND ME, LYING NAKED ON THE FLOOR! STAY AWAY SWEET MISERY!" I listened to my sister yell.

Alex walked up to me. "She's gonna lose her voice again," she told me, knowingly.

"What the fuck is that?" Hidan demanded.

"It's obviously the girl, the one with the mixed art," Sasori said in a slightly bored tone.

"Kalika, yeah," Deidara added.

"Tobi wants to make sure that Kika-Chan is okay," Tobi yelled, dashing up the steps.

Konan came up to me. "Will she be okay?"

"Yeah, she's just a drama queen," I waved her concern away.

"I don't know, Sebastian, usually she stops after misery, but I hear Because of You and a little while ago I heard You Can Let Go Now," Alex said, concern lacing her voice.

"Will she be alright, hmm?" Deidara asked.

"Tobi will find a way to cheer her up," I said, really hoping that I was right. I needed to go apologize, but right now, she won't have it. I'll do it later, when she cools down.

"I'm going to check on her, un," Deidara said, heading up the stairs with Sasori not far behind.

"I wanna see if the bitch is okay, too," Hidan said, following the other two.

"She won't let them in, will she?" Konan asked from beside me.

"No, she won't," I answered the violet haired girl. "What do you think, Alex?"

"Unless they force themselves in, they'll be out in the hallway for a while," the brunette answered me.

*Kalika's Point of View*

Misery ended, and I still didn't feel better. You can let go now came on and that made me want to cry even more, remembering my father. The song was the exact opposite from my experiences with my father. For one thing, my father wasn't dead, although he might as well be. He left when I was little, so I don't remember much about him.

Now Kelly Clarkson's Because Of You came on and I started writing it's lyrics on my door, in a considerably smaller font.

I heard banging coming from my door that I had just finished writing on. "Can Tobi come in," I heard an innocent voice yell. "Tobi wants to help Kika-Chan because Tobi is a good boy!"

I smiled as I opened the door. I didn't see anything besides a blur of black and orange before I was hugged.

"Okay…okay…Tobi…I need…to…breathe…" I said patting Tobi's back. He let go apologizing like a normal Tobi would. Haha I made a joke. Normal and Tobi in the same sentence…LAUGH! "Come on in Tobi."

He walked into my room and I shut and locked my door again. "What happened to Kalika-Chan's room?" Tobi asked.

I looked around, not really caring that my once pristine, all white room had pink, purple, black, and green lettering all over my walls and doors. I was So gonna regret this tomorrow morning, I thought, but shrugged it away.

"Don't worry about it, Tobi," I smiled.

"Okay, Tobi won't worry," he cheered. "What made Kika-Chan so sad?"

"Well, my big brother was yelling at me, and I don't like it when people yell at me," I said sadly.

"Tobi doesn't like it when people yell at Tobi either," Tobi replied. "Tobi only tries to help. Tobi doesn't mean to be bad."

"Aw, Tobi, you're not a bad boy," I tried to cheer up the now crying Tobi. "Tobi's a good boy! And Kika-Chan is going to take Tobi-san to get ice cream, okay?"

"Can…can sempai come?" Tobi asked hesitantly.

"Um…who's sempai again?"

"Sempai is Deidara-Sempai!"

"Sure, Tobi, of course, sempai can come," I smiled.

"Yay!" Tobi cheered. "Tobi get ice cream with sempai and Kika-Chan! Yayyy! Tobi is a good boy!"

"Yay! Come one, Tobi, I bet I can beat you to the car!" I cheered, running to the door. But, it wasn't open, so I ran into it and fell on the floor. I sat up, pouting a little. "Owie."

*Sasori's Point of View*

Deidara was just about to open the door when a very audible thud was heard from behind it. "What was that, hmm?" Deidara asked in that annoying way of his. (**Author's Interjection: You Leave My Dei-Kun Alone Or I'll Use Your Puppets for Firewood!)**

"The bitch probably got annoyed with Tobi and threw the little fucker at the wall or something like that," Hidan said. Why does he have to swear so much? It's annoying…** (A/I: Growl…be nice!)**

The knob turned and opened.

*Kalika's Point of View*

I opened the door with much prompting from Tobi, and, you know me, I was talking. So I wasn't _exactly _paying attention to where I was going so I ran into someone.

Yeah, well that "someone" happened to be Deidara—to whom I've had a crush on since I was thirteen. That's three years that I've had a crush on him, but now that I know that he's real? It just makes it that much worse.

So, yeah, I walked into him, but Wait! There's more! Then he fell backwards so that we were on the ground, with me on top of him, and no before you ask, it wasn't one of those trip-and-kiss scenes.

And it was really uncomfortable. The only thing that could've made this worse would be if Sebastian came up and saw this. Well, that's not the _only_ thing that could've made this worse…see, this is what happened…

Tobi yelled, "Tobi wanna play too!" and jumped on top of me. Then Hidan yelled "What the Fuck?" and jumped on top of Tobi.

Then Sebastian came up the stairs to see what all the noise was about with Alex at his heels.

Then Alex yells, "Dog pile on Deidara? And no one invited me?" and she jumped on me too. Well, onto the pile.

Next it was Sebastian's turn to jump, and boy did he jump. I groaned quietly in pain and put my head down on Deidara's shoulder. Then I started laughing, like hysterically. It was…just…just no…

Well, I don't know what's going on today, it must be close to my "time of month" because I'm suffering from major mood swings.

Either that or I'm pregnant. Which would be totally messed up, seeing as I'm a virgin…unless I conceived of the Holy Spirit of Jashin? Psshhht, yeah right. It's just close to my time, but…just to make sure…

"Yo, Xela!"

"Yeah, bitch?" Alex replied.

"Did you get your peanut butter yet?"

"Uh…yeah this morning, porque?" (**A/I: porque is Spanish for why, just letting you know…)**

"So, I'm probably getting mine tomorrow? Stupid body. It's like our punishment for eating the apple first, yeah?"

Alex started laughing. "Yo, Catholic bitch, I'm talking to you!" **(A/I: I am not racist against Catholics, I am Catholic, and I hope I don't offend anyone…)**

"yeah, yeah, sure, sure," she laughed again.

"I'm in pain," I said. "What about you, Deidara-kun?"

He groaned a little. "Okay," I said happily. "Fun time's over! Get! Off!" I yelled, putting my hands on the ground on either side of Deidara and pushing up while flipping to the side.

"Ow, my elbow hurts now," I frowned, but my smile returned just like that—see? Crazy mood swings!—come on Tobi! Come on, Dei-Kun!"

I stood up, grabbing both Deidara's and Tobi's hands and pulling them up off the floor. "Where are you going?" Alex asked.

"We're going grocery shopping to get stuff to make…wait for it…WAFFLES!" I screamed.

"But I don't want to go, un," Deidara complained.

"I don't give a flying shit and giggles, my little pyromaniac," I said, kissing the tip of his nose.

I grabbed his hand and pulled him down the stairs to catch up with Tobi, who apparently got a head start.

*Hidan's point of view*

What the fuck? Why the fuck would she bring that little turd with her to the grocery store? And then she kisses him? the fuck…

*Sasori's Point of View*

I shifted my gaze away. She's holding his hand, and kissing him. sure, it's just his nose but…wait, what's happening to me?

**A/I: *cough cough* jealousy *cough cough***

*Kalika's Point of View*

"Come on, I know a short cut," I whispered to Deidara.

"For what, un?"

"Just shut up and follow me, khajkGWbfuytwgr," I said quietly. "Come now, my friend, and quietly, we do not wish to alert the enemy…"

"The enemy?"

"Shhhh!" once we came through the front door, I ran screaming, pulling Deidara with me, to the car.

Slapping my free hand down on the hood of my special truck, I gave a victory yell, very sophisticatedly-like, if I might add. "Take that you little Fudgenucker! HAHAHAHAHA! I HAVE BEATEN YOU FOR ALL TIME! YOU WILL NEVER RISE FROM THE S=ASHES OF YOUR SHAME AND HUMILIATION! haHAHAHA! VE TE FAIRE VOIR! Mother sasser! Woot! Yeah!"

Just then, Tobi came running out of the house. "Tobi!" I yelled. "Deidara!"

"You don't have to yell, un," he replied. "I'm right here, yeah."

"Check this out," I smirked. Leading Deidara over to one of my windows, I blocked his view and covered his eyes. "There's a reason this truck is my special truck," I whispered in his ear.

"Get on with it, yeah," he said. "And why is your hand in front of my eyes, un?"

"Just wait," I smiled, removing my hand from his eyes, I moved aside, gesturing to the window.

"That...is cool…un…"

"Ain't it?" I agreed, admiring my handiwork.

That particular window, the one of the passenger seat, is a stain glass window of Deidara that I made myself. Well, I made all of them. There was Tobi, Sasori, Pein and Konan in the same window, Hidan and Kisame, and the back…rear view? Window has all the Akatsuki together, ex-naying Orochimaru, the creepy pedo…

"is that even legal, hmm?" he asked.

"Um…I'm not sure. I don't think it is, but I have my ways… MWAHAHAAHAHAH! WORLD DOMINATION!...cough cough…I mean, please step into the vehicle and fasten your seatbelts, tightly and securely," I smiled.

"Come on Tobi," I grinned at the masked man. "I'll help you get buckled in."

"Yay! Tobi gets help!"

I opened the door and moved aside so that he could sit down. "Tobi sits in Tobi side!" he cheered pointing the window, where he was depicted.

I nodded as I leaned over him with the buckle-y thing in hand and pushed it into the…seatbelt depositor…thingy…yeah…

"Deidara, do you need help too?" I asked, noticing the boy' struggles.

He blushed a furious shade of red. "Aw, it's okay, I lo-…I enjoy your company so I won't tell anyone," I smiled cheekily. I buckled him in and played with his hair before closing the door and going to my side.

After taking the necessary safety precautions that are necessary to take before driving to be safe, I started my truck and started down the street.

Pulling into Friendly's, I parked the car, saying, "Please wait until the vehicle has come to a full and complete stop, before undoing your safety harnesses," I laughed. "Wow, I sound like that robo voice on ROLLERCOASTERS! I should take you guys on rollercoasters, but I don't think Tobi can handle it, hmmmm?"

I hopped out of the car, remembering to open the door first—mind you, and called, "Push the red button to get out!"

Apparently they weren't as technologically hopeless as I thought they were because they were because they were out of the car in less than a minute. We walked into the restaurant, where the nice waitress lady greeted us. "Table for three?"

"Um…" I turned to look at the boys. "Did you guys eat dinner yet?"

"NO BUT TOBI'S HUNGRY!"

"Tobi, shhh! No yelling," I told him.

"Tobi is sorry."

"What about you, Dei-Kun?"

"No, un."

"Yeah, table for three!"

"Right this way," the lady said, leading us to a booth table. Tobi decided that he wanted to sit with Deidara, but as soon as they sat down, Tobi pushed Deidara out of the seat and came to sit next to me. He did the same thing, back and forth.

"Okay," I said, standing up. "Tobi, pick a seat, and sit there."

"Tobi wants to sit with sempai, but…but Tobi also wants to sit with Kika-Chan…"

"How about this," I suggested, pulling up a chair. "You sit here and then you can sit next to both Deidara-sempai and Me…"

"No, Tobi want to sit alone."

I deadpanned. If I was in a cartoon, the background would be that bleary color, and my face would be looking down with those blue lines…you know…

Anyway, Tobi forced Deidara to sit in my booth, and pushed me down to sit next to him. soon after the waitress came over. "Are you ready to order?"

"Um…I have a question?" I raised my hand.

"Yes?"

"Um, can we get dessert first? And then our entrees?"

"Um…sure…" I think she thinks that I am weird; can I help it if I like to have ice cream before dinner?

"Yay! Tobi, Dei-kun, pick out what you want," I told them, throwing the dessert menu at them. "Can I have a Hunka Chunka PB Fudge Lava Cake Sundae? Oh…and a cotton candy drink…and a water! Yeah! What do you guys want?"

"Tobi's looking!"

"Uh…"

"Hopeless," I face palmed. "Tobi'll have the Monster Mash sundae and Deidara'll have…have…he'll share with me!"

"What?" he questioned me.

"Well, I'm not gonna finish the whole thing…so we share!"

Yeah, I'm pretty sure they liked the ice cream, seeing as I didn't get any of my own…grrr…"Deidara, I swear, if I didn't like you, I would kill you…eating all of my ice cream…And TOBI! Why you no eat your cherry?"

"Tobi doesn't eat red things, though."

I groaned, reaching over the table, I took his ice cream dish, and I ate his cherry. Did I mention I love cherries? Well, I do.

"Can we leave now?" I asked.

"Well, what about the groceries, yeah? Didn't you say-"

"Yeah, yeah, that was a lie, but I guess I have to…"

Yeah so we went grocery shopping, gross! I made Deidara and Tobi carry the bags, haha. Slave labor. Muahahahaha! Anywhozits, Alex just called me, and…I don't wanna talk to her. Besides she would yell at me for driving and talking on the phone, so…she can wait.

"Deidara, can you bring the bags in please?"

"Yeah."

"Yay!" I cheered. "I hate manual labor! No, wait, Tobi, can you bring the bags in? Deidara, bring me in the house?"

"Yay! Tobi's a good boy!"

I stood up out of the car, closed the door. I'll lock it later…being lazy…nothing different here. Deidara came around to my side of the car. I smiled, gesturing for him to turn around. He rolled his eyes at me, can you believe this? The sass? "Attitudeous little pyromaniac aren't you?" I scolded before climbing onto his back.

Well, Tobi—being the good boy he is—got ALL the bags, and Deidara had me, so we walked into the house. And I was dropped…onto my tosh…"Owie, my butt…" I looked up at Deidara who was staring, open mouthed at something.

Following his gaze, I wanted to…I don't know…scream? Gag? Coo? I don't know!

Sebastian and Konan were making out! Talk about Konan being OOC...

**Anyway, that's it for this chapter. I don't know how I feel about it. some places I rushed it, some paces I prolonged it…I just…I don't know… but this is the longest chapter that I've ever written…EVER! Fourteen pages, 4,523 words! So be proud…oh, yeah, "Tosh" is my word for butt, don't ask. So, review me please? Pretty please? Okay I have to leave, Young Justice is coming on!**

**I love all you beautiful people! **

**Loves and hugs,**

**Yours psychotically,**

**Vee**


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: Again, thank you my wonderful reviewers! I just need to thank you, so I will, every chapter, even when people don't review…**

**DISCLAIMER: okay, since I **_**do**_** own Naruto, I'll-**

**Wait! What?**

**What are you talking about?**

**Deidara, you skunksack! Just tell me!**

**What do you mean, I don't…**

**Grrr…get back in the story! Now!**

**Okay, so apparently, I **_**don't **_**own Naruto, so…never mind…**

**ONWARD WITH MY GENIUS-NESS!**

Yeah, well…where'd we leave off? Oh, yeah, the OOC-ness of Konan and Sebastian making out…yeah. I guess I'll just leave them be…wait! Where's Sasori? I have to ask him something…

"Sasori!" I yelled, not noticing him being right next to me. "Sasori! Sasori! Sasori! Sasori! Saso-"

"What?" he asked. I jumped.

"Jashin dammit, why'd you sneak up on me? Give me a heart attack, that's fine…"

"I've been here," he replied in a monotonous voice. Yeah, he sooo thinks I'm sexy…just saying…

"Oh…well…that's cool, I guess…" I said. "There was something I had to ask you…"

"Go ahead."

"but…I can't remember what it is…"

"then I'm leaving-"

"Oh! That's it! you have all your puppets with you, right?"

"Yes, why?"

"And all your various poisons and whatnots?"

"Yes."

"Oh, that's cool. Hey, you know that grape juice that you're keeping your puppets near, in that spare room? It was delicious."

Everything seemed to freeze all at once. Konan and Sebastian pulled apart and stared, mouths agape, at me. Hidan kinda looked all panicky—Jashin knows why… Deidara looked…stricken, and Sasori looked worried and annoyed.

"What? What did I say?"

"That 'grape juice' was poison," Sasori said. "The one's that I use in my puppets."

"Oh, then I guess I'm in trouble, huh?" I giggled. "Good thing you have an antidote, right?"

"I don't have an antidote," Sasori said.

"Yeah, he even said in one of the episodes before he dies that he couldn't possibly make an antidote," Sebastian added. "It would take forever."

"Oh, well then it's a good thing I didn't drink it," I laughed. People looked like they wanted to slap me, but Sebastian smirked. That one was on the list. Sasori started to walk away. "But that's not what I wanted to tell you."

"Then what is it you wanted to tell me?"

"Well, you know how you're a puppet right?"

"Obviously he knows he's a puppet," Alex said, walking in.

"No one was talking to you, Eavesdropper," I said, sticking my tongue out at the brunette. "Anyways, well, I mean, technically you're not really a puppet. You're not full puppet, but not full human either. You're kinda like a freak of nature." I gasped, putting my hand on his shoulder roughly. "Kinda like the Beavcoon! OMJ! That's so cool-"

"Is that all," Sasori seemed to be getting impatient, so I better get this moving.

"Noooo, well, puppets are usually made from wood, correct?"

"Obviously, where are you going with this?"

"Well, if you have the body of a puppet, then would that mean that you're dick is made out of wood?"

I think if Sasori could blush, he would have. I laughed mentally, thinking this would really get him. "I'll take that as a yes, so if we had sex together, would I get, like, splinters inside of me, cause that would be gross, and painful, now that I think of it…"

Okay, the whole "ask Sasori if his man-parts are made out of puppet-ness' was on the list too, so Adam and Alex were laughing, while the others just looked at me all disgusted and whatnot.

"what? What did I say?" I said feigning innocence. "Oh Jashin, according to Mulan, all I have to do to be a man is be swift, forceful, strengthful, and mysterious, no man parts need. Isn't that cool, and…Fuck you, Deidara! We didn't buy pudding!"

"What, in? you didn't say you wanted any pudding, yeah?"

"It was all your fault Hidan!"

"How the fuck is it my fault, bitch?"

"I can't believe I ever loved you," I growled walking up to him. "I trusted you with my heart. And you…you…UGH!" and I bitch-slapped him and stormed away.

On my way into the dining room, there was a blinding blue light, and I was temporarily blinded. So, I screamed. Okay, no I laughed, but for me? It's the same thing…so…do you smell that?

It smells…Fishy?

"Ah! A giant blue shark man! Remember! Shark man! KIKA'S FRIEND NOT FOOD! You no eat me!" can you guess who it was? It was Kisame! "Look, it's Kakuzu! Zombie man! I lick your face, yes?"

They just looked at me weird. "You no speak English?" I asked. "Uh…bloop bloop…fishy-noises...bloop bloop… I'm a giraffe! Lillilliloop!"

"You are a strange specimen," Kakuzu said, reaching out towards me.

"Nooooo! Don't eat me, Zombie-Man! I want to live! I WANT TO LIIIIIVVVVEEEE!"I yelled, backing away, "Now, come into the living room, because you're my guests."

So I brought them into the living room, but pulled Kakuzu aside. "Hey, Kakuzu, I'll give you sixty-five bucks if you kiss Hidan on the cheek."

"What? No!"

"Two-hundred and ninety-three dollars take it or leave it," I smiled.

"No!"

"You're such a pansy!"

"I won't do it!"

"Pansy!"

"I am not!"

"Then kiss him, you pansy!"

"no!"

"Pansy!"

"No!"

"Pansy!"

"No!"

"Five hundred and three buck?"

"That's a lot of money…okay…" and he walked into the living room, closely followed by me, who was recording on my phone.

So, Kakuzu walked over to Hidan, leaned down and legit pecked him on the cheek! Oh my Jashin, you had to have been there! It was so…And Hidan's face? So funny, and I caught it on camera—insert devious smile…

"What the fuck, Dick head?" Hidan yelled, but Kakuzu ignored him, walking back to me.

"So, where's my money?" he questioned, holding his hand out expectantly.

I scratched the back of my head nervously. "Oh...well…see, I don't have any money," I grinned. That was another thing on the list! Fun!

I looked around, only to notice that Deidara was missing from the group. "Hey, where's-"

But just as I was about to ask, he walked in. Sebastian, true to his word, started to sing Dude Looks Like A Lady, earning a glare from the said blond. I giggled.

"What's so funny, yeah?" he asked me.

"I made Kakuzu kiss Hidan," I started laughing. "It…was…gold!"

"Good job, un," he congratulated me, reaching out to pat me on the back.

I pulled away and screamed. "RAPE! HE'S TRYING TO…RAPE!"

He looked quite confused. "I...wasn't going to rape you, yeah."

"The mouth on your hand was looking at me wrong," I shrugged. Haha that was also one on the list. "Hey, Sharkboy? Where's Lavagirl?"

"What?" Kisame asked.

"And shouldn't you be on Planet Drool?" I questioned further. "Anyways, have you ever tasted shrimp? Oh, have you ever eaten shark? It's quite delicious…Hey, Kakuzu, can I borrow a dollar?"

He glared at me from his spot on the couch. "No."

"Okay," I shrugged again. "Hey, Deidara, I'll hold your hand if your mouth doesn't give me _that _look."

Deidara looked at me funny, again, so I grabbed his hand and started swinging it back and forth. "there's no knowing where we're going, there's no earthly way to know, so we're simply to and froing…" I sang.

Abruptly letting go of Deidara's hand, I looked back at Kakuzu. "Hey, Kakuzu, can I borrow a dollar?"

"No."

"Okay."

"Sasori, do you have termites?"

"No, I take good care of my body," he smirked. "Like the brat does with his hair."

"Yeah, no offense, dude," Alex cut in. "But your hair makes you look like a girl."

"Hey!" I snapped. "You leave my Deidara alone! Sure he has long hair, but that doesn't make him a girl! Long hair does not equal girl, sides, I think long hair is sexy."

"So you think I'm sexy, hmm?" he asked.

"Yeah, your hair is one of the reasons I fell in love with your character."

"One of?" Kisame questioned, probably hoping to make me uncomfortable. "What are the other ones?"

"You mean, besides his voice, his face, his body, and his art?" I asked.

"Um…yeah?" Kisame said.

"His mouths," I said. This got me some strange looks from people—Akatsuki *cough cough.* "What?"

"You think his _mouths_ are sexy?" Sebastian asked.

"Well, I think so, there's just something appealing about a guy with four mouths," I shrugged. "But I have to admit, I've been going through my whole, I LOVE YOU! phase for almost all of you, ex-naying Tobi and Konan and Kakuzu, for like the past six years, sooo…yeah…"

"So, what do you find sexy about me?" Hidan asked.

"I don't know," I thought for a moment. "Just…you in general, I think…"

"And what about Sasori?" Kisame asked.

"Um, same reason I fell in love with Gaara," I said in a _duh _kind of voice. "He suffered and I was all like, aww! No don't do that! I love you! yeah…oh and his hair! I love your hair, Sasori. Like the color? Oh my Jashin, and your puppet body, so hot!"

Tobi came in from the kitchen, and apparently he was listening because he said, "You forget Kisame-san!"

"Oh, I don't know why I like Kisame," I said. "I think I like him because he reminds me of Sharkboy from the Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl."

"Well, you only liked Sharkboy because you though he was cute," Sebastian said.

"Well, obviously, it was Taylor Lautner, bitches!" I yelled. "I mean, people made fun of me when I was like, 'Sharkboy/Taylor Lautner'…*Drool*…and who's laughing now, cause everyone's like Jacob Black—drool…"

"Okay, calm down," Sebastian said.

"Kakuzu can I borrow a dollar?"

"No."

"Okay," I sighed. "Hey, Kakuzu, can I borrow a dollar?"

"No."

"Kakuzu, can I pretty please borrow a dollar?"

"No."

"Hey, Kakuzu, I need to borrow a dollar-"

"No."

"Can I borrow a dollar?"

"No."

"Hey, can I-"

"FINE!" he interrupted me, taking out a dollar and handing it to me. "Fine. Here Just…just leave me alone."

"Okay!" I cheered, taking the dollar. "Thank you for your contribution. For donating this dollar, you have received the grand prize of…a LAP DANCE!"

Okay now everyone's looking at me weird, just wait. "From Deidara!"

"What? I'm not gay!"

"I don't give people lap dances, un!"

"You wouldn't even give me one," I face Deidara, pouting.

His face turned bright red. "I…I-I...I…wouldn't…I mean…I-I…" he stuttered.

"See? I told you he was a RAPIST!" I announced, turning to Kakuzu. "But you kissed Hidan, willingly, would that not make you gay?"

"You offered money!"

"And you don't need to hide your secret love affair with Deidara from us," I said. "Here we are purely Pro-Gay Rights!"

"We are not having a secret love affair (un)," they shouted in unison.

"Really?" I smirked and laughed evilly. I turned on my laptop and went onto Deviantart and typed in a few somethings. art/PC-Deidara-and-Kakuzu-280906707?q=boost%3Apopular%20in%3Amanga%20deidara%20and%20kakuzu%20yaoi&qo=0 that's a link to one… "Then what do you have to say to _this _picture? Or this one?" art/Kaku-Dei-Finished-276609269?q=boost%3Apopular%20in%3Amanga%20deidara%20and%20kakuzu%20yaoi&qo=13 link number two… "And we all know about Deidara's secret relationship with Sasori…" Sasori spit out his drink.

"Me and the brat?"

I cleared my throat. "The brat and I," I corrected.

"That would NOT happen, un," Deidara said.

"the facts don't lie," I said, pulling up another picture. art/saso-x-dei-YAOI-FUN-72364689?q=boost%3Apopular%20in%3Amanga%20deidara%20and%20kakuzu%20yaoi&qo=12 the last link, just in case…you wanna look…

"Aw, damn," I said, looking around.

"What, un?"

"I lost my dollar," I pouted. "Kakuzu, can I borrow another one?"

He stood up, beginning to stalk towards me, but he didn't get very far, wanna know why? Because Hidan, Deidara, _and_ Sasori were all standing protectively in front of me.

"Hey, Kisame?" I asked.

"Yeah?"

"Is it true you have two you-know-whats?"

He laughed. "Yeah, wanna try?"

"No thanks, I only have one vagina, and it's already pretty well taken care of with my three loveys," I smiled, putting my arms around Sasori and Deidara and kicking Hidan to show he was my third lovey.

"Whoa! That's awesome!" Alex exclaimed.

"Okay, no I have not slept with them," I said. "I just met them today. And, you know what? Imma virgin and I'd like to keep it that way for a while, so…Sebastian, show them to their rooms, I'm going to bed."

"Wait!" Sebastian s=called. "I thought we were having a mega sleep over in your room?"

"Is there enough space in my room?"

"Yeah! At least three people can fit on your bed. There's your pull out bed which could fit two. There's Alex's pull-out bed. So that takes care of the Akatsuki members. Then there's Alex's bed, so, yeah, plenty of room…"

"Uhm…okay…" I said. "Well, good night. Wait! What time is it?"

"It's, uh, one-forty-three, why?"

"ONE! FOUR! THREE!" Alex and I shouted in unison.

I went around. "I love you Alex. I love you Sebastian. I love you Tobi. I love you Deidara. I love you Sasori. I love you Hidan. I live you Kisame. I love you Kakuzu. I love you Konan. I love you…uh…floorboard. I love you charred ceiling. I love you…creepy unicorn. I-"

"Now, it's one forty-four," Sebastian cut in.

"Oh, thank Jashin! A whole full sixty seconds of love, gross!" I said. "Anyways, goodnight Kakuzu. Goodnight, Kisame. Goodnight, Konan. Goodnight, Tobi. Good night, Hidan. Goodnight, Sasori. Goodnight, Deidara. Goodnight, Alex. Goodnight, Sebastian." I said, kissing each one of them on the forehead.

I, then, skipped out of the room, up the stairs, and into my room. Turning on my music, I jumped into my bed, and cuddled into my blankets.

**The end of the chapter is upon us! Beware! Or don't…anyway, what did you think of my chapter? I can't remember the last time I posted. If it was today or yesterday…I'm not sure, so…I don't know.**

**Can you pretty please take time to tell me what you think? I'd love to know? You can say anything really as long as there ain't no flames…EERRTTT! Stop! Improper grammar alert! Improper grammar alert! You can say anything really as there as there aren't any flames.**

**Oh and I have a question, should Kalika end up with**

**Deidara**

**Sasori**

**Hidan**

**Kisame**

**Tobi**

**Kakuzu**

**Sebastian—incest much?**

**Alex—what?**

**Or someone elseeeee?**

**Please help me! I want your opinions! I love and cherish them! Just like how I love and cherish pudding, and unicorns, stickers, glitter, anything Naruto…people who put up with me, although I don't show it much…anyways see you next time…**

**Yours psychotically,**

**Vee**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter el numero Cuatro! Okay, here we go. In this chapter, we're getting down to business. Boom! Okay, entering plot sequence. Okay, before we start—yeah, I'm a major procrastinator. Deal with it!—I just wanted to say, that since no one gave me their opinion on who should be with who, I guess I'll just decide. Which is really lame, by the way, because I can't make a decision to save my life. Okay, I can't make a decision at all. You give me choices; I have a panic attack, okay? So I need some answers soon. I'll avoid the question until I get some opinions. I guess I'll just focus on the main plot, which was another decision that took forever to make…**

**Anyways onwards with the story…**

**DISCLAIMER: Since Deidara told me yesterday that I didn't own Naruto, I guess I have to do this…I do not own Naruto, even though I really wish I did…**

I woke up the next morning, and rolled over, so I can roll out of bed like I do every morning. See, in the morning, I'm too tired to walk, so I roll out of bed and my bean bag chair cushions my fall. But today, I couldn't roll out of bed because something was blocking me.

I groaned, opening my eyes. I guess I kind of squeaked, I guess…

Why is there a blond in my bed? I asked myself. Who is this blond? Oh, that's right, it's Deidara because the Akatsuki came over and…I started drifting to sleep.

WAIT, what? My eyes snapped open. And I turned around. There's a redhead. The fuck is going on?

I sat up, rubbing my forehead. I looked from Deidara to Sasori who had sandwiched me on the bed. I screamed, loudly. Waking up everyone in the room.

"What is it, un?" Deidara groaned, sitting up.

"What the brat said," Sasori nodded, also sitting up.

"Sebastian, Alex! There are males in my bed!" I said all panicky like.

"Yeah," Sebastian said, grinning evilly. "I told them to."

"What if they tried something?" I pressed, stage whispering.

"Then you would've beaten them beyond comprehension with your aluminum pipe," Sebastian shrugged.

"What if…um…they knew about my aluminum pipe and got rid of it beforehand?" I demanded. "Hmmm? Hmmm?"

"Um…then you scream, obviously," Alex replied.

I giggled. "Oh and I forgot," I turned to the two in my bed. "You two are in a secret relationship so I have nothing to worry about."

"I told you," Deidara growled. "We are not in a relationship, un."

I leaned over to him, whispering in his ear, "I know, it's because you're too good for him." I winked. "See, since you're blond, you're supposed to be happy, so you can't be with a soulless ginger."

"Wait! What-"

"Wait just a Jashin Darned moment," I growled, turning to Sasori. "How are you a ginger? You don't got no freckles!"

"Well then maybe I'm not a ginger," he said boredly.

"Well, obviously you're a ginger, 'cause you're soulless—**A/I: That's for you Ericka! Happy birthday, bitch!**-." I sang.

"Alex, where did you sleep?" I demanded.

"Right next to Tobi on your pull out bed," she chirped.

"Can we go get some _pudding_?" I demanded. It wasn't _exactly_ a question. I just wanted to make sure that they were for it.

"We are NOT having pudding for breakfast," Sebastian said.

"Why not?" I complained, putting on my best pouty face.

"Because Tobi's not allowed to have sugar anymore," he said.

"But why?" both Tobi and I complained. "I want sugar! Tobi wants sugar too! Give me SUGAR!"

"Okay, calm down, and stop jumping on the bed!" Sebastian demanded.

I stuck my tongue out at him and sat down on the bed. "So, Konan and Sebastian slept together?"

"No, Konan slept alone," Kisame said. "Us guys slept together."

"Wait so all of you have two-"

"No!" they shouted at me.

"Now like _that_, stupid," Sebastian replied.

"Can't I have some-" I stood up, jumping over Deidara and falling off the bed. "Mmmm, bean bag chair…"

"Are you alright, un?"

"Bitch, are you okay?"

"Get up."

"I be fine," I tried rolling over. "Grr…so comfy…can't…move…" I finally got up. "Can't I-"

I dashed out of the room, and down the stairs. "Where is she going, hmm?"

"TOBI, SOME ON. GET YOUR TOSH DOWN HERE! NOW!"

"Tobi COME BECAUSE Tobi IS A GOOD BOY!"

All you can here is the steady thumping of Tobi's footsteps coming down the stairs. "What is it that you want Tobi to do, Kika-Chan?"

Opening the fridge I pulled out some eggs, some milk, some…other stuff, until I had all the making for PANCAKES!

"What are you making, un?"

"Wait, what?" Sebastian pushed his way to the front. "No, no no no no no no no no no no! you aren't allowed to cook."

"Oh, yeah, because I don't know how to cook…then let's go to Denny's. no iHop? Uh, I'll just make some pancakes, I think…Hey, Kakuzu, can I borrow a dollar?"

"No! you already lost all the dollars I gave you!"

"What's that on your face?" I asked innocently.

"What do you mean?"

"It's on yours too, Hidan, and yours Kisame, and Deidara, Sasori, and…and Tobi your mask is black…" I said. Okay, now I _did_ paint Tobi's mask black, but I don't know what's-

"What the fuck, bitch? Who the hell wrote 'Sasuke wuz here' on my face," Hidan yelled from the bathroom. The other members of Akatsuki raced into the bathroom, except for Konan and Tobi, who were spared from the fate.

"Here, Tobi, come into the washroom with me, and we'll wash that oaint off," I said, coaxingly.

"Tobi will come!" he cheered, following me down the stairs. "Uh...I don't want to get this spray stuff in your eye, so…uh…can you…?"

"Yes, Tobi can," the boy said sadly. "Do you have anything to help Tobi cover Tobi's face?"

"Uh…I have this…blanket…? Would that, I don't know, work?"

"Yes," he nodded happily. Tobi turned around and slipped off his mask, replacing it with a blanket. He turned back around, facing me and blindly handed me the now black mask.

I began humming and spraying and wiping, until I got all the black out of it. "Here you go! Wait, why can't I see your face, Tobi?"

"Because Tobi doesn't want you to."

"Okay, Tobi," I smiled, handing the mask over. "Here you go."

Making our way upstairs, Alex pulled me aside, smiling happily. "Did you see…?"

"No," I giggled. Everyone in the Akatsuki—all seven peoples—were in the room now. "Hey, guys, I know the _real _reason that Sasori keeps all those puppets in his room!" I announced loudly.

Kisame laughed, heartily. "Yeah? And why is that?"

All I did was giggle—pervertedly, mind you—but mostly stayed silent. "Deidara, can I play with your clay?"

"No, un."

"Why?"

"It's dangerous, yeah."

"Danger's my middle name!"

"I thought it was-"

"Besides, ostriches are dangerous and I have one!"

"When did you buy an ostrich?" Alex asked me.

"Remember that day that we went to the Poconos?"

"Um…no…"

"You know, we took Charlie-backslash-Sebastian and we were all like "Yes, yes, should be nice…EXCEPT FOR THE DRAGON! But there was no dragon, so we felt foolish…" **(Author's Interjection: Yeah, Ericka, you know what I'm talking about! It's Charlie The Unicron for those of you who are confuzzled…)**

"That…never really happened…"

"Oh…then I guess, it was just-"

"You had the weirdest dream last night," Sebastian cut me off.

"How many times do I have to tell you? stay out of my dreams!"

"What was it about, un?"

"Ohh, story time! Gather around, my minions; come listen to Auntie Heater's tale…" **(Sorry to be interrupting again, but I love Heather Brewer and on her blog she calls herself Auntie Heather, so now I'm pretending to be her…insert Smiles…or Jenna Marble's face to make when you don't want to talk to someone…lollerz, anyways back to the story…)**

We sat down on the floor, well everyone except for me. I sat in my bean bag chair. So comfy…anyways. "_It was long long ago, in a galaxy far far away…_What? No it's not. _Okay, so, there I was, walking down my hallway, minding my own business, when BAMM! These skeleton people jump in from out of nowhere and start assaulting me, so I jumped over the railing after fighting away from the skeletons, and instead of landing on the floor, I'm on a pirate ship. I start looking around, trying to figure out where I was and what I was doing there. And the most important question was HOW did I get here? Not minding where I was heading, I walked into a short man—_Okay, look, in my dreams I'm naturally taller than everyone. Just to feel tall seeing as I'm short, anywaysss_—he was short and rotund. He had a gnarly beard and a tall blue hat with a white skull and crossbones on it. He was dressed in black pants, dirty leather boots, and a red and white striped shirt. I immediately apologized, not noticing who this person must be._

"_He told me not to worry about bumping into him, and there was just something about him, that made me want to trust him. he asked me what I was doing on his ship, and I replied that I didn't know. I told him that I was being attacked by the living dead, noticing how crazy it sounded and doubting that he'd believe me. But he got this really serious look on his face, and said to me, he said "Those stupid skeletons are always scaring folk, they're big bullies, but you're safe here," he assured me. "They took a vow, that they would never set foot on this ship, ever." Then he asked me if I wanted to stay on the ship, under his protection, and I agreed, "Anything to get away from those nasty skeletons."_

"_Well, he was true to his word, and he took care of me, but a few weeks later, while I was wanderin', familiarizin' myself with my surroundings, I came across something strange. It was-"_

"You know what I find strange?" Alex asked, interrupting me.

"What is it?"

"Why are you talking with a country accent?"

"I…I don't know. I didn't mean to, sometimes it just happens, see? When I tell stories, I just…talk with accents, so…DON'T HATE ON ME! Anywayss, onwards with my story…_I came across something strange. It was-_"

"You already fucking said that, fucking bitch," Hidan interrupted.

"It's my fucking story, fucktard! If I want to restart it from the beginning, I can and fucking will! So shut the hell up," I growled. "As I was saying before I was oh-so-rudely interrupted," I glared at Hidan. "_I came across something strange. It was A GIANT BASKET! The kind that your mother sends you out with filled with cookies, for your grandmother who happens to live in the middle of wolf infested woods. Okay, getting back on track, it was ginormous! So, with my natural born curiosity, I walked over to it, and pulled the door thingy open. And do you know what I saw? It was disgusting! It was horrible! Sick! Just…just…nauseating…"_

"Well, what was it?" Sasori asked, not really sounding that curious.

"Oh, I'll tell you what it was!" I said, dramatically. "_In the Giant Basket sat…Giant…COOKIES! And-"_

"What's so nauseating about giant cookies, yeah?"

"Will you little fuckers—I mean psycho-slasher axe murderers from hell—I mean…little freaks of nature…sexy little freaks of nature…yeah, that's good…WOULD YOU SEXY LITTLE FREAKS OF NATURE STOP INTERRUPTING ME?" I shouted. "As I was **saying**: _But they were no ordinary cookies. They were cookies…MADE FROM PEOPLE! Apparently, the pirate captain sent the skeletons to people's houses to transport them onto his ship, where he would gain their trust and turn them into cookies to which he would eat. I realized that I would be next, and I quickly raced to the railing of the ship, jumping overboard. I grabbed onto a zip-line, conveniently located, and was taken along to wherever it was headed._

"_The pirate captain saw my attempt at escape, and tried to catch me. He went to where the zip-line ended, but I saw him and let go. _

"_I closed my eyes, bracing myself for the freezing water that was bound to come, but it never did. Instead my feet landed on something hard, solid._

"_Opening my eyes, I found I was not in water, nor on the accursed ship, but in the living room of my mother's house. There I saw my father, I don't know if he really was or not, but in my dream he was._

"_I saw him before he saw-"  
_"Wait! How do you not know if it was your father?" Kisame asked.

I glared at him. "I'm telling a different story right now! God! I may tell you that story later. In short I didn't know if he really was or not, in the dream, though, he was, so get over it! gosh, _I saw him before he saw me. He was just standing there, facing the wall where a TV used to be. He turned around and saw me, and his face lit up in this bright smile, and I smiled back._

"_His smile, soon faded though, and the light in his eyes was replaced by a look of worry. "Daughter," he said. "What is wrong?"_

"_Father," I replied, crying. "I was attacked by skeletons right upstairs."_

"_Don't worry, daughter, they cannot harm you here. BUT I sense that is not the only thing? Tell me, daughter, what else is troubling you?" so I told him my tale. He looked frantic. "Oh, no," he said, slightly panicky. "The cannibalistic pirate? He's caught up with me? I'm sorry, daughter, but I must take my leave!"_

"_And he was gone."_

A long silence came over us. "Cool dream, huh?"

"I was in bed with a freak," Sasori said.

"Oh, I know you know that I know that you think I'm sexy," I stuck my tongue out at him. "You know you love me."

"That was some dream, yeah?" Deidara said.

"Yeah, this one time, I-" I broke off laughing. "This one time-" laugh. "This…"chuckle. "This one…" snicker. "This one time, I had this dream where I was going to get married, but I didn't have a dress so I had to pick one out, and..." laugh. "Then I had to visit Xenophilius Lovegood…" laughter. "And I had to take my annoying little brother, and…haha…then this little kid was bullying him, so I was like, "Come on, Bruno, didn't I teach you how to fight? God you're such a wimp! And then I bought an ostrich with my dress money, and my mom flipped out saying stuff about how I can't wear an ostrich as a wedding dress so I had to wear this really cute zebra dress and, it made me look GOOD, but that's when I had red hair, like Sasori's, except longer, it kinda looked like Cat's from Victorious…but anyway-"

"Your hair's red, un?"

"Not naturally…"

They all looked at me weird. "I dye it. like…all the time. Just last month, OhmahJashin, I had BLACK hair with LIME GREEN and ELECTRIC PINK streaks," I started laughing. "It looked HORRIBLE!"

"I thought it was sexy," Alex pouted.

"Well, whatever I do, I do it sexy-like," I said. "What time is it?"

"Like a little after noon," Sebastian asked. "Why?"

"NOON? But…but we just woke up?"

"Yeah, you really sleep in," Alex said.

"Well, I know that, but them?" I said, turning to the Akatsuki. "You guys? You should've been up at, like the crack of dawn!"

"We like sleep too, yeah."

"And you, Mr. Not-Fully-Puppet-Not-Fully-Human, you don't even sleep! So why were you in mah bed?"

He looked down and didn't speak. _Yeah, Guilty, Motha Fuckah!_ "Hey, wait a minute! I forgot something!" I exclaimed and dashed around the kitchen, looking for my baggy of stuff.

"What is it, un?"

"It's nothing, just…FOUND IT!" I cheered, standing up. Opening the bag I pulled out little Christmas ornaments that said 'I'm Sexy and I Know It' and started hanging them up all over the kitchen.

"What the fuck are you fucking doing?" Hidan demanded to know.

"Well, if you MUST know," I rolled my eyes, hanging up another ornament. "These keep the aliens away."

"Bitch, aliens don't fucking exist!"

I looked at him in horror, and I watched as the other Akatsuki members nodded their heads in agreement. "Oh my Jashin…" I whispered, mortified. "You're all one of them!" and I ran out of the room, screaming. I went into the basement, tripping down the stairs, like the graceful ball of grace that I am, and rushed into my panic room.

You know what I found there? Do you?

I found Tobi, weird right? "Tobi, what are you doing in my panic room?"

"Tobi hides from the aliens. Tobi doesn't like aliens!"

Oh, apparently Tobi heard that conversation…hmmm…"Tobi, I hung up anti-alien charms in the kitchen, go grab one and hang it around your wrist," I smiled. "It's sure to keep the aliens away. And if the others tell you that aliens don't exist, just ignore them, because they are _all_ aliens."

"Tobi will do that because Tobi's a good boy!"

I walked back upstairs after waiting a good ten minutes after Tobi went up. "Hey, Scorpion!" I called out, looking for my little redhead. After a few minutes of roaming, I finally found him. "Hey, Scorpion!"

He looked at me. "Are you talking to me?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna call you Scorpion from now on," I giggled. "Hey, wanna watch a movie? I think you'll like it."

"Whatever."

"Cool. Well, we have to walk _all the way _downstairs, so let's talk, okay?"

"Whatever."

"Why was Orochimaru kicked out of the Akatsuki?"

"It's because-"

"Are you sure?" I interrupted before Sasori could say anymore. "Are you sure?"

"I didn't even-"

"Are you one-hundred present positive that the real reason Orochimaru was kicked out of the Akatsuki was for that reason, or was it something else? Maybe, it was because of the fact that Orochimaru had pictures of Sasuke all over his room?"

"What?"

"And that fact made Itachi uncomfortable, so Leader-sama kicked him out!"

"Um…what?"

"Anyways, we're here," I smiled at him. walking over to the entertainment center, I took out two movies. "Do you want to watch The Muppets Adventures on Treasure Island or Pinocchio?" I asked.

"I don't care."

I laughed. "Hey, Alex," I called out. "Should Sasori and I watch The Muppets or Pinocchio?"

"Uh…The Muppets! It doesn't have a happy ending!"

"Okay!" I laughed. "Looks like it's the Muppets!" I put the DVD in, and went to the door. "Hey, I have to go talk to Deidara, I'll be right back."

"Why do you have to talk to Deidara? What's so interesting about the brat?"

"Um…his…Mouth-hands are pretty interesting, why?"

"Never mind."

"Okay, well, enjoy the movie!"

Lalalalala, skipping down the hallways. Lalalalala, looking for Deidara. Lalalalala, I just ran into someone. Lalalalala-

"Sorry, un!" Deidara exclaimed.

"Deidara! Just the person I wanted to see!"

"You were…looking for me?"

"Well, yeah, I wanted to tell you something…it's of mucho importance…"

"What is it, hmm?"

"I know where Orochimaru is…"

His eager face seemed to deflate a bit, I wonder why? "Where is he, yeah?"

I leaned in to whisper into his ear. "The Snake Sannin will come into your room tomorrow night to rape you every day for the next three weeks," I said in a gloomy tone.

"W-what?"

"I said-"

"I heard you, un."

"Then why'd you ask me?"

"I…"

"Deidara, why is your face all red?"

"I…uh…"

"Can I touch your mouth?"

His face turned bright red. "What, un?"

"I want to touch one of your hand-mouths," I said, like I said that sentence every day.

"Uh, sure, yeah…" he didn't _sound _very sure, but anyways, I grabbed his hand and poked him Hand-tongue.

"Whoa, if feels like a real tongue…" I said, oblivious to the blond's embarrassment. "That is SO cool! If you wanted to, you could make hand puppets, and make, like, a love story and have them make out…can your hand-mouths make out?" I looked up at him.

"Uh…um...I…I don't know, yeah…I never tried…"

"Well, I didn't mean with you, silly, I meant with someone else!"

"I…don't know…"

"Can they, like, communicate with you?"

"Well, there's the nervous passage ways, but no, they can't really talk."

"So, they can do your bidding?"

"Uh...I guess so…"

"So, if, say, you and a girl were doing…uh…obscene things, you could think '_Hand-mouth powers, ACTIVATE!_' and then they would do…more obscene thing that people with only one mouth couldn't do?"

"uh…" Haha! I'm making him uncomfortable! Look at his face! It's so…RED! Like, Sasori's hair, red!

"Am I making you uncomfortable, Dei-kun?" I asked, innocently.

"Uh…kind of, yeah…" he's not meeting my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I pouted. "I didn't mean to… I'll just…leave then…"

I dropped his hand, put my head down and started to shuffle past him. "Wait, un! I didn't want you to-"

"No, I should go," I said, sadly. "You hurt my feelings…"

"I didn't mean to, yeah," he said. "Can I…fix it?"

"I don't know," he walked in front of me. I smiled.

Lifting my head up, I stood up on my tippy-toes and gently pecked him on the lips.

I didn't give him enough time to react, just in and out and done. I smiled to myself, turning around. "Bye, Dei!" and I skipped into the kitchen.

**Okayyy, so maybe I'm not introducing any more characters in this chapter…hmmm…next time for sure! So I've made a decision, thanks for your inputs, but I didn't use any of them, so…there *I stick my tongue out childishly***

**Anyway, review, please? It would make me happy? I'll give you a virtual ostrich? I mean, come on, who doesn't want a virtual ostrich? **


	5. Chapter 5

**Once again, I'd like to thank all of yous who reviewed my lastest chapter. So, here in THIS chapter, I'm going to introduce a plot, I think…what kind of plot? I don't know yet…so…it'll be interesting though…I hope…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Deidara, Sasori, Kisame, Hidan, Konan, Tobi, Kakuzu, Itachi, Zetsu, anddddddd…Naruto. I most definitely do not own Naruto, wanna know how I know? If I owned Naruto, do you think I'd be sitting at this crappy computer writing this fanfiction? Oh HELL to the no, I'd BE there, ruining people's lives! Anyway, that is all for this installment of The Disclaimer, please join us next time when we will have special guest: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson!**

"Hey, Kika?" Alex asked me from across the table.

"Yess, Alex? What is it you want?"

"Um…do you know your sister's phone number?"

"Kayla? Kayla doesn't have a phone; she's only in third grade!"

"No, I mean…uh…your other sister's…"

"Amy? No, I don't-"

"No! tiffany!" Alex announced. "Do you have Tiffany's number?"

"No."

"But…doesn't she have a phone?"

"I'm sure she does, but no."

"Would you invite her to your wedding?" Alex asked after a moment of silence.

"First of all, who said I was getting married? Second of all, why would I want to invite her?"

"Well…you wouldn't invite her?"

"No."

"Why not, she's your sister!"

"Because I don't _like_ her," I explained.

"And you like Tobi?"

"Uh…first, you're the one that's in _love_ with Tobi. Second, I do like Tobi, he's cool and fun and silly and…my sister is none of those things," I growled the last part.

"Why don't you like your sister," came Sasori's voice from the doorway. I turned around in my seat to see seven…no, nine…nine?

Yes, nine! I know how to count!

But there were seven like ten minutes ago…

Well, there are nine now, see…one, two, three, four-

"Itachi!" I exclaimed, and then deadpanned. "Why is the weasel in my house?"

"I don't know, but…" Alex trailed off.

"Zetsu! Holy Jashin! I missed you SO much! How long has it been?"

"I don't **know you**," they replied.

"Well, of course you do, don't you remember…" Alex leaned over and started whispering in my ear.

"You never met Zetsu before," she said.

"Yeah, I did-"

"No! that was a really good cosplay!"

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, really."

"Oh…that sucks…"

"I know…"

"Okay, so apparently, I don't really know you," I said, feigning anger. "Because the "Zetsu" that _I _met lied to me and told me that he was you, but he wasn't so he's a liar, and he's going to die a painful death."

"Why?" white Zetsu asked.

"Because he's a liar, so I'm going to track him down, and tickle him…TO DEATH!" I started laughing maniacally.

"Um…is she **okay?**"

"She fucking does this a fucking lot," Hidan explained.

"What's for dinner," I asked.

God, what's with these stupid people looking at me like I'm crazy?

_It's because you are crazy…_

What? No I'm not! I'm…completely normal…

_Uh-huh, just keep telling yourself that…_

I will!

_Okay, have fun…with your creepy murderer boyfriends…_

I don't have a boyfriend!

_Then why'd you kiss him?_

Kiss who?

_Deidara._

I didn't kiss Deidara-

_Yes you did, I saw you-_

How could you see me if I am you?

_No __I__ am __you__._

What?

_Exactly._

Would you like fries with that?

_What?_

Exactly.

_So, why'd you kiss him?_

Uh...because…I wanted to know…

_Wanted to know what?_

If he tasted as yummy as he looks…

_And does he?_

I don't know…

_you should have kissed him longer then._

Wait, weren't you just scolding me for kissing him?

_Shut up._

Wait but I'm confused-

_Aren't you always…_

What's that supposed to mean?

_Ugh, just shut up, you're boyfriend's talking to you…_

Who? Cam? You and I both know that I made Cam up…

_I meant Deidara, stupid._

Oh…okay…what about him?

_He's trying to talk to you…_

O, then I guess I should start paying attention, then, huh?

_Uh…yeah…_

I blinked a couple of times. "…doing, un?" Deidara asked.

"Huh?"

"…did you hear a word I just said, un?"

"No."

He sighed, shaking his head. "Why? Was I supposed to?"

"…"

"Can we have some soup?" I asked Sebastian.

"What kind of soup?"

"Puppet bowl soup."

"What?" Sasori asked.

"See, we don't like gingers, okay well we do, but we like to bother them, so we decided to take one of your puppets and cut in into little pieces and put it in soup."

"No."

"Well, why not?"

"Because it's my art."

"Well, what's the point of art that you can't eat?" I questioned.

"That made no sense," Sasori replied.

Now we're having a heated argument about art that you can eat.

"I invited your sister over for dinner," Alex blurted.

I immediately stopped what I was doing. "You…_WHAT?"_

"I invited your sister to dinner…"

"Please tell me you mean Amy…"

"No…Tiffany…"

I blinked. "You…invited…Tiffany over for dinner…"

"Yes…are you mad?"

"Darling," I smiled at her. "Mad doesn't even begin to cover it. I'm leaving."

I walked over to the counter, grabbing my car keys. _Why would she invite her here? Why? She knows I don't like her, so why….?_

"Wait! Where are you going?" Alex asked.

"I'm going…out."

"Where?"

"Don't worry about it…just…don't…"

"You're not going anywhere," Sebastian said, stepping in front of me.

"Look, I don't like my sister, so…"

"So, what?"

"So, I don't want to see her."

"Well, too bad, you have to."

"Fine, but if she tries anything, she's dead," I growled.

"Um…no killing our sister," Sebastian said.

"No promises…"

*Time skipping! Yay! Skipping, it's kinda like hopping but more cheerful and girly!*

Knock knock knock! Grrr…I hate my sister… "Sebastian! Get the door!"

"But…you're closer to the door!"

"So, I don't wanna let her in!"

"Why don't you just say that a little louder," he said, walking into the kitchen, making his way to the back door.

"Okay… I DON"T WANNA-"

"Shut up!"

I pouted, everyone poured into the room, looking at the door that Sebastian was about to open.

He opened the door, and in walked my perky blond twin sister—we look exactly alike except for the hair, I was NEVER a blond, by the way. "Kalika? Oh my god, it's been forever!" she squealed—like legit squealed—as she rushed over and hugged me.

"Yeah, you and your god, haha…yeah…so…long…" I fake smiled. She finally let go and looked around. "Alex! Oh my god, you look so beautiful!"

"Oh…THANKS!" Alex smiled, I glared at her.

"And, oh my god! Who _are_ all these people?"

"Oh, these are some of my friends," I said. "We went to college together. We all decided to take a break, but they don't live around her, so they're staying here with us."

"Oh, Kalika, you naughty little girl you!"

"What do you mean?"

"Sharing a house with eight sexy men that you met at college! Tsk tsk!"

"I need an aspirin," I groaned, walking away. Her stupid squeaky voice! Ugh! Apparently Deidara followed me out.

"Hey," he said.

"Huh? Oh…hey, Dei...what's up?"

"You're sister seems nice, un," he said.

I groaned. "I-"

"You don't like her, why, un?"

"Dei, I don't wanna talk about it right now…" I stopped walking, turning to face him.

"Then, let's talk about something else, hmm?"

"Okay, what do you wanna talk about?"

"Why'd you kiss me, un?"

WAIT, stop! What did he just ask me? Oh, yeah, I remember I kissed him…now he wants to know why…why'd I kiss him?

_You told me it was because you wanted to see if he tastes as good as he looks._

I wasn't talking to you! "Uh…well…it's because…I might….actually…kinda…like you? maybe? I think?"

"You might like me, un?"

"This might just be more awkward than a conversation about my sister…" I groaned. "Look, Deidara, I like you, okay? I've liked you since I was thirteen, okay?"

"You…okay, but I wasn't real when you were thirteen, right, un?"

"Yeah…" I took out some Tylenol. "'Kay, I'm ready to head back when you are."

"Let's go then…"

Yeah, this is really awkward…

_Then kiss him!_

How will that make it less awkward?

_Because you guys obviously like each other!_

Well, obviously I like him; I'm allowing him to stay in my house! Speaking of my house…

"Hey, Deidara?"

"Hmmm?"

"If I took your clay and blew up Sasori's puppets, what would you do?"

He started laughing. "Sasori would probably kill us both!"

"But what would _you_ do?"

"I don't know, un! I'd be dead!"

"So, you're saying that his art is more powerful than yours?" I asked confused.

"No, why?"

"Because you said…I'm confused…"

"DINNER"S READY!" I heard Alex call from the kitchen.

"Oh, I hope it's pudding!" I skip into the room. Tiffany took my seat…grrr…fine, I'll just sit near the door then…

Stupid tiffany, stupid, stupid, stupid! She invades my home-

_Um, technically, Alex invited her over…_

SHUT UP! She invades my home, takes my seat, wins over my friends…grrr…I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her I hate her. I hate-

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

_It's dinner, stupid._

This isn't dinner! This is…a whole DEAD FARM! It's not dinner, it's meat! This is gross! There's really nothing other than meats of all variations on the table. Guess I'm going hungry…

Deidara sat next to me. About five minutes past. Everyone's eating and laughing and being FUCKING happy…

"Aren't you going to eat, un?"

"No."

"Yeah, come on, Kikerz, eat something," Alex prompted.

"I'm good."

"Oh my god," Tiffany exclaimed. "I forgot you were a vegetarian! I'm so sorry!"

"It's….fine…" I growled.

"Oh my god," Tiffany said, changing the subject. "When we were in high school, Kalika looked so different! She had glasses and braces and EVERYTHING!"

"Yeah," I said. "Tiffany was the most popular person in the high school! She and all her popular friends…"

"We had so much fun together didn't we?"

"No."

"Yes, we did," she tried to convince. "I made sure that everyone included you in everything."

I glowered. "I'm going to my room," I said, standing up.

"I'll go too, un," Deidara said, following me out the door.

"Who would've thought," I heard Tiffany say. "that Kalika would find a lover!"

I growled. "Phobiaphobia, germaphobia, clowns, bugs, arachibutyrophobia…" (**A/I: Arachibutyrophobia is the fear of peanut putter sticking to the roof of your mouth, btw. isn't it scary?)**

"What are you doing, in?"

"Listing my fears, so I don't kill my sister…"

"Do you want to talk about it, un?"

"Do you know why I hate her?" I asked.

"No, you didn't tell me."

"I never particularly liked her," I said. "She was always mommy's favorite, always showing me up. Mother always compared me to her. I was never good enough. But I started to HATE her in high school. Her and her stupid popular posse, they made my life miserable."

"What did they do, un?"

"What didn't they do? They picked on me, called me names, they never left me alone, and I'd never get a break from it because I lived with her."

"Oh, I'm-"

"If you say you're sorry, I swear, I'll kick your ass."

"Okay, then what do you want me to say, un?"

"I don't know…what do you think you should say?"

"I don't know something…"

"Deidara, if you want-"

"No, I'll go with you to your room," he said. "No more writing on the walls for you, un."

I smiled. "Thanks."

"No problem, yeah."

"Well, here we are," I smiled.

"Yeah."

"Would you like to come in?"

"Sure, yeah."

I opened the door. "See, I turned the knob, _and then_ walked in…Oh! Do you wanna see something cool?"

"Uh, sure, yeah." I led him over to my closet, which was for some reason the same size as my room. I opened the door.

"Tada!"

"Whoa, how'd you get these?"

"Oh, they're cosplay costumes," I smiled. "I bought everyone's cosplay outfits. This is yours Dei. Oh and over here?" I led him to my jewelry box. "I have the rings."

"The Akatsuki ring?"

"Yeah, I have everyone's on a chain. I usually wear yours, though. But I lost it…I lost a couple of them, I was really pissed off."

"Which ones did you lose, un?"

"Well, let's see," I said, opening the box. "I have Pein's. and…only…Pein's…WHAT THE FUCK? I was only missing five!"

"Which five were you missing, un?"

"You, Konan, Hidan, Tobi, and Sasori." I counted them on my fingers.

"Weren't we the first ones here, yeah? When did you lose them?"

"I don't know, I figured out they were gone like an hour before I met you guys in my room."

"An hour?"

"Yeah."

"And now the only ring you have is Pein's?"

"Yes, didn't we already go over this?"

"And Pein is the only one here, un…"

"What are you…OH MAH JASHIN! I understand! Me comprehenden what you say! Come on we have to tell the others!"

I ran down the stairs, okay no I didn't, because I don't like running. I slid down the railing though. It was fun. When we were about to go into the kitchen when I stopped. "We can't tell them now," I said.

"Why not, un?"

"Tiffany's in there," I shivered.

"Maybe you should just get over what she did to you-"

"Maybe you should get over what Itachi did to _you_!" I snapped, storming away. He grabbed my arm.

"I'm sorry, un. I didn't mean it like that, yeah," he apologized.

"Just…forget about it, please?"

"…Kalika…"

"Please let go of my arm, Dei," I said, weakly. He complied.

"Dei…I'm sorry."

"Come on, un. We can go get some ice cream," he said. "You need to eat, yeah."

I smiled. "Yeah, okay. But I'm buying!" I said.

"No, I am, un," he replied.

"But I w_ant _to pay-"

"But it is only _customary _that the male pays for the girl on the date," he countered. I smirked.

"Is that what this is?"

"…Uh...I…if you…uh…if you don't want to…i…it's…"

I laughed. "Then it's a date. Oh, and, Dei?"

He looked at me. "Hmm?"

"You look cute when you blush," I smiled. "Oh, and I'm gonna go steak some of Kakuzu's money to pick up the tip."

I skipped into the kitchen. "Hey, Kakuzu, you love me right?"

"No."

"Well, then I won't feel guilty about this," I said, pushing him out of his chair and taking his wallet. _Who knew Kakuzu had a wallet? Huh._ "Goodbye, all!" I said. "Love you all! Except for you tiffany," I smiled at her. "I hate your guts, and if you're not out of my house by the time I get home, those guts that I hate oh-so-much are gonna be fed to Zetsu. So, bye!"

Walking through the kitchen door, I found Deidara leaning on a wall, smirking. "You're cute when you threaten people's lives, un," he said, still smirking.

"Yeah, I know."

**God, what is this crap? I need some god dammed DRAMA! Is that so much to ask? Well, I figured out my plotty thingy, so yeah, I feel accomplished.**

**Please leave a review saying what you think, don't worry I won't bite! Much…just no flames! I think I went a little overboard on the whole I HATE MY SISTER! Thing, but we'll get over it, right? Right? Maybe if you review we can get over it, and I'll give you cookies! Or chocolate! Or ostriches! I'd give you Deidara, but—sadly—he's not mine to give…*sigh***

**Anywhozits, until next time,**

**Yours psychotically,**

**Vee**


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, so is my anti-drug, legit. I don't even have time to sleep, let alone put harmful toxins into my body: ABOVE THE INFLUENCE! So later on, I'm thinking about writing a Naruto/OC fic 'cause I tried looking for them and all I found were Naruto/Sasuke, Naruto/Sakura, Naruto/Hinata, Naruto/Kakashi, and a few Naruto/Ino, and some Naruto/Gaara. Of course, I only got to the second page; you know me and my lazy self…**

**So, today I have a special treat for my reviewers—YEAH, I SAID REVIEWERS! IF YOU DON'T REVIEW, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO READ THIS!**

**So, now I'm gonna tell you the surprise, but those who do not heed my warnings and try to read this when they don't review, you're going to be cursed with explosive diarrhea! So thank you reviewers! I love you!**

**So the surprise is…Dwayne the Rock Johnson! **

**Dwayne: Uh…what am I doing here? Who are you?**

**Me: Dwayne was being such a doll and agreed to do the disclaimer-**

**Dwayne: the what?**

**Me: while doing the peck-pop-of-love. Yeah, that's right reviewers; you get to read Dwayne Johnson pop his pecks! While he tells you that I don't own Naruto.**

**Dwayne: Oooohhh, I know what you're talking about.**

**DISCLAIMER: Vee *pop pop* does not, in anyway, *pop pop pop* own Naruto or the Akatsuki. *pop pop* she only owns Deidara's undying love *pop*.**

**Me: Really *getting my hopes up***

**Dwayne: no, you're a creepy fangirl that kidnapped me and FORCED me to do this!**

**Me: oh *sniff sniff* I understand…**

**Dwayne: no, no., don't cry!**

**Me: …**

**Dwayne: don't cry! What do you want? Name anything, it's yours!**

**Me: give me the Rights to Naruto!**

**Dwayne: … fine…**

**Me: yay! I love you Dwayne!**

…

**Okay, so, uh…yeah this is for NONREVIEWERS! I was just yanking your chain, of course you can read that, not like I could stop you anyways.**

"I had fun, Dei," I said as we walked into the house. How'd the _date_ go, you may want to know. Well, the waitress was being stupid and she forgot my ice cream. Then she spilled it on Deidara. Then she refused to give me another one!

I swear, she better be glad that other people were there, or she would be dead! I ordered an ice cream to EAT! Not to have it spilled on my boyfriend.

_Wait! What was that?_

I ordered my ice cream to eat it.

_No after that._

Not to have it spilled on my boyfriend.

_So you admit it! he _is_ your boyfriend!_

Uh…yeah…he took me out for ice cream. And called it a date, so I'm guessing we're boyfriend and girlfriend. I think?

_You think?_

Yeah, now I'm second guessing myself…I don't know what we are…

_Well, neither do I, so…_

So…what-

"I'm glad, un." Wait, what? What were we talking about?

_Uh, I believe you said that you have a great time._

Oh, yeah…

_You're such a liar…_

What do you mean?

_I had a great time!_

But I did, even though that stupid waitress was being…stupid…

I looked around, really glad that no one(except for Sebastian of course) new what went on in my mind…Now, where's a clock when you need one..._What time is it?_

Shut up! That's what I'm trying to figure out.

"What, un?"

"Uh, did I say that out loud?"

"Yes."

"Oh…" I said, slightly uncomfortable. "I wasn't talking to you, though…so…"

"You said a lot out loud, un."

"Wait! What?"

"You said something about ordering ice cream to eat it, then something about boyfriend and girlfriends, then something about how confused you were, the-"

"Really? I said _all _of that out loud," I shook my head. "God…what time is it?"

"Uh, a little after midnight, un," he told me.

"Ugh, it's so…EARLY!"

"Not for us, un. I'm going to bed."

"Okay, be careful, you know…Orochimaru…raping you every night for the next three weeks…" I told him. "Just keep that in mind. Your room's across the hall from mine."

I waited until he was up one flight of stairs before, I went into the kitchen. _Man, my little body needs so much nourishment!_ I thought. _Weird!_

Going through the door, I looked around; making sure everything was in its place. Oh, look! All the chairs are pushed in. that's good. Oh, the dishes are done AND put away! Awesome! Oh, look! There's my sister, looking like an evil psycho-slasher from a movie! And, look-

Wait! Stop, reverse! My sister…

"Why are you still here Tiffany?" I asked.

"I came here to tell you," she said. "That I have what you're looking for, and if you don't stay away from Hidan, Sasori, and especially Deidara, then you'll never get them."

"Um…what?"

"You always were SO stupid…"

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Who the FUCK is you calling stupid? I'm the one that always got Honors while you were lucky to pass-"

"Yes, but I've spent time…plotting," she glared. "I'm sick of you, always being better than me. You have all the friends. All the guys chase you, and I'm sick of it."

"Look, I know you snuck into my room before Alex ever called you," I said, sending a death glare. "Yeah, that's right. I know you took them, and you HAVE to give them back."

"Oh, seems like someone is smarter than they let on," Tiffany sneered. "I know about the spell that you used on those, and if you don't stay away from those three, I'll _end_ them."

"If you try to 'end' them, you'll end all of us too," I tried to reason. "If you destroy them, you destroy us. ALL of us."

"Whatever, I'd give _anything_ to break you, and if it means dying in the process," she shrugged. "Then so be it."

"You're insane!" I whispered. "It wouldn't kill JUST you! it could possibly end the human race! If you screw up trying to 'end' them, you end EVERYTHING! That's why you never got what I did! BECAUSE YOU NEVER THINK THINGS _THROUGH_!"

"It doesn't matter," she insisted. "Just stay away from them." And she was gone. Out through the back door. I stood there, shocked.

"Are you okay, bitch?" I heard a voice, but it was distant. Far away, maybe.

I couldn't answer, couldn't think, couldn't breathe. Oh my god, I'm going to pass out. Breathe in, breathe out. How do I? I…

Hidan is standing in front of me. How'd that happen? I think I'm spacing out…wait I think he's talking. I can barely hear him.

"What?" I mouthed.

"What's wrong?" they echoed in my head. what's what's what's wrong what's wrong wrong wrong…

"She has the rings," and I collapsed, engulfed in darkness.

**Wow! Really short chapter! That's really all that seemed right. I felt like if I added anymore it would somehow ruin the chapter, so…I don't know. Another chapter's on the way. It'll start with "How could this happen?" Yeah, I know you don't care about the first sentence, well; I'm righting it so that I'll remember it tomorrow.**

**Happy Fourth of July! Err, HAPPY ALMOST FOURTH OF JULY! And it's my birthday, NOT! I can only wish…we can pretend it's my birthday though, and—hell—we can pretend it's yours too, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY!**

**Please take the time to review even with this horrid new format. It really inspires me to write!**

**Now I have to leave and get back to the PARTY! Yay! Doritos here I come! So please review and have a nice safe holiday!**

**Yours psychotically,**

**Vee**


	7. Chapter 7

**So, apparently SOME of us love Dwayne, well I have another surprise! Mi hermano, Bruno, es the Disclaimer! Yeah, that's right, I've been taking Spanish for THREE years now and I can't even say "my brother Bruno is going to do the disclaimer" well it's a good thing he isn't.**

**See he's feeling really homesick being away from our mother, so I tried calling her so that he can talk to her. SHE KEEPS IGNORING MY CALLS! What kind of a mother does that? Like, hello? Your son wants to talk to you. you told me to call you when I get the chance, I did and you decline my calls, that's nice. Just for that, Imma bring you an APPLE PIE! MWAHAHAHAHA!**

**Yeah, okay, so…**

**DISCLAIMER TIME dun da nuh nuh…nuh nuh nuh nuh, can't touch this!...uh…sorry…I do not own Naruto or pudding, but I will own Deidara's Akatsuki ring! I love the internet, now all I need is a Gaara sweatshirt and I'll be complete! Until I see some other worthless item that I really don't need, but wouldn't be able to live without…**

_How could this happen? My sister? An evil mastermind? _"I'm so proud of her," I cheer, sitting up in my bed. Wait, bed? Oh, yeah, Hidan probably caught me, or he let me fall on the floor…

But someone probably picked me up and carried me into my room.

"Proud of whom, un?"

"Dei?" I looked around. "Holy fudging Jesus! Whole Akatsuki in my bedroom! Hey, Pein, how's it going?"

"…"

"What happened to you, bitch?" Hidan demanded to know.

"What? Oh, my sister she said she has something that I need," I said, suddenly frantic. "She took them from me, but if she doesn't give them back…"

"What?" Sebastian asked. "What would happen?"

I held my head in my hands, drawing my knees up to my chest. "Bad…bad things would happen. Terrible things…"

"What kind of terrible thing, un?"

"I…I don't know…"

"Then-"

"All I know is that it would be disastrous if I don't get them back-"

"What are these things that she took from you?"

I turned to look at Deidara. "The rings."

"We have to get them back, un."

"I know, but I can't do it on my own…"

"But you're not alone," Kisame said.

"Yeah, we're all going to help," Itachi said.

"I…I can't let you guys risk your lives for my stupid mistakes," I said, shaking my head. I can't let them. I have to do this on my own. I can't let them find out…

"Um, in case you've forgotten, bitch, _some_ of us are fucking immortal," Hidan said.

I snapped. _Why don't they understand? It's different here! _"You all think you're so FUCKOING immortal, don't you? well, I'll tell you-"

"Kalika," Sebastian warned.

"You're not immortal!" I yelled. "You _all_ die! Even Konan dies! Okay, Zetsu is the only one that lives! You ALL die!"

"How the fuck…?"

"Shikamaru kills you, Hidan! Because you killed Asuma! Deidara _blew himself up!_ Sasuke killed Itachi! Naruto killed Pein! You All die, so don't you come to me with that _immortal _shit!"

The room was quiet. Like you could hear a pin drop. _Did I really just tell them when and how they die? __Grr, stupid! Why would I do that? I'm so STUPID!_

Sebastian cleared his throat. "Well…"

"We will assist you in retrieving the lost articles," Pein said, clearly stating his authority. "Now tell us what these _rings_ are and how they interlock with us?"

_I can't actually tell them the whole story_, I thought. _What if they? I have to tell them though. Here goes nothing…_

Taking a deep breath, I tried to stall for time. I looked up at them, I have to tell them. "Those rings," I said. "Are Akatsuki rings that I had made. I had all of your rings made after you died. Sasori was the first to die, so I had his ring made first."

"After each of your deaths in the show, I had each ring made. I put a spell on each ring, so that you wouldn't actually be dead. And as long as they were in my protection, you would stay in your realm, safe.

"But," I continued. "When Tiffany took those rings, a little at a time, she took the ones that I would notice the most if they were to go missing. When those rings were taken from my home, they left my protection. When those rings were taken from me, you were brought here. So that you were still under my care, but I couldn't protect you if something were to happen to those rings.

"Now, Tiffany has the rings, all ten of them," I said. "And she's threatening you. all of you. to end you. but she doesn't know that if she messes up, she'll end everything…"

"But if you brought us back after we died, un…"

"I couldn't bring you back if you died here," I whispered. "I could bring you back in your dimension; where you're not real to us, but I can't bring real people back to life…I just can't…"

"Okay," Pein said. "Now that we know what these rings do, let's come up with a plan."

We set to work. An hour and a half later, everyone left, the plan still in mind. I sent them away because of my headache.

Our plan was all set, fool proof. Zetsu would track her down and find her location. Then he would come back and give us the information.

With the information, Deidara, Hidan, Sasori, and I will head out. Once at said location, Deidara and I would act as bait where we would pretend to be having a make out session, while Sasori and Hidan would be hiding where they could see us and any oncoming danger, but we couldn't see them.

The plan was fool proof, obviously. The only flaw? It couldn't happen without me.

I don't want the Akatsuki involved, so that's why I'm slipping outside in the middle of the night, tracking down my sister, by myself.

"Where are you going, un?" Shit. He had to have noticed.

"What are you doing here, Deidara?"

"Well, I went to go check on you, yeah, and I found you were missing," he said. "You would leave without saying goodbye?"

"Deidara, don't go acting all crybaby on me, please! You and I both know that if I went upstairs and said "Hey, Deidara, I'm leaving to go track down my psychopathic sister, don't follow me," you wouldn't listen."

"Why do you have to do this on your own, un?"

"Because it's my fault. My mistake-"

"Don't you understand! We care about you, Kalika. _I _care about you, un! That's why-"

"Don't you think I know that? That's exactly why I can't let you come! Because I care about you too, Dei. And I couldn't fathom it if anything happened to you. and-I think I would die if something happened to you and it was my fault."

"I'm coming with you, un-"

"No, you're not! You can't come, and I know that you will never let me leave without you, so if anything happens to me, it's my fault, not yours," I said, taking a deep breath. "I love you."

"What-" I hit him, over the head. hard enough to knock him out cold, but not do any serious damage.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "Now to find Tiffany."

**Oh, whoa! Didn't see that coming! Well, yeah, I did because I planned this, sooo…yeah. I already have the ending in my head and on paper…I hope you liked my chapter. Please review and tell me if you**

**Hated it**

**Loved it**

**Don't know how you feel about it**

**Wanted to cry**

**Wanted to slap me**

**Wanted to choked and/or kill me**

**Kind of enjoyed it but there were some things that you would've wanted to change?**

**Ate pudding while you read this**

**LOVE PRINCE ZUKO OF THE FIRE NATION!**

**That will be all…**

**Yours psychotically,**

**Vee**


	8. Chapter 8

**Yay! Two chapters in one day! You know what that means? It means that I'm on a roll! Or I have nothing to do…BUT THINK OF IT AS A BIRTHDAY/FOURTH OF JULY PRESENT because I care.**

**So, Disclaimer: I'm gonna be all boring 'because this chapter's going to be boring…I do not own Naruto in any way, form, or dream.**

_Where would my sister be?_ That question kept echoing in my mind, and no matter how hard I think about it, I can't come up with an answer.

_I don't know._

I don't know anything about my sister, but for all I know, she could know everything about me. I don't know where she could be. If she would go somewhere, would she go to somewhere close to her heart? Or somewhere close to my heart?

What about somewhere I could find easily? Somewhere that she hinted at?

Maybe if I think about what she said last night…did she leave me a clue about where she'd be? What did she say? She told me to stay away from Sasori, Deidara, and Hidan. She told me that she took the rings. She told me-

Wait that's it! she told me to stay away from Sasori, Deidara, and Hidan, or else. Well, why would she make a threat that she can't make sure that I won't heed?

She must be close to my house somewhere…the only question is where? It would be somewhere secluded. Somewhere where people don't usually go near. That way people wouldn't be able to say they saw someone that fit her description.

Somewhere like…That's it! I know where she is!

*Tiffany's Point of View*

She knows where to find me. I know she knows. It might take her a while to figure it out, but she knows.

And she'll find me.

She won't bring help, she's too proud. She'll want to take care of me herself.

The lights flickered above me. They won't stay on soon. Now it's pitch black where I am. I have the rings, all of them still on their chains. I-

She's close. I can feel her. Everything that she's feeling right now, it's in the air.

Slowly, one by one, I took each ring off of their chains, placing them on my fingers. First: Deidara, then Sasori and Hidan. Next is Tobi and then Konan.

The wind blew, carrying a message: _she's almost here._

I smiled, knowing what was going to happen. On my left hand I put Pein on my thumb, then Itachi and Kisame.

_She's here. Look, she's here._

I looked up, smiling maliciously. "It's about time you got here, sister," I sneered, sliding on the ring that belonged to Zetsu.

*Kalika's Point of View*

I walked up to an alley. The wind, it's howling, pushing me towards this alleyway. There aren't any lights, how convenient. I stood still, which was difficult because of the wind, letting my eyes adjust.

I can make out a figure, that's my sister. She's looking at her hands.

The wind pushed me forward, into the darkened alley. My sister seemed to listen to something, and looked up smiling maliciously. "It's about time you got here sister," she said, moving her hands a little more, her eyes still on me. "You know it's rude to keep people waiting. Especially family."

I closed my eyes. They're not adjusting. Why can't I see?

"It's a special spell that I learned," Tiffany said, as if reading my mind. But that would be impossible, only Sebastian can read my mind, and that's only if I let him. but another thing that she said strikes me as peculiar.

"A spell, you say? How'd you manage to learn it, if you have no magic?"

"Don't you understand? I've been planning this since day one," she laughed. "I said a special spell. It takes all of my energy, but for you, sister dearest, I'll make that sacrifice."

I growled. "Did you forget, about my abilities?" I opened my clenched fist allowing an angry flame to ignite on my palm.

Now I can see her, standing there. She smiled bitter sweetly. "Of course not! Of course not, but I want you to see this, so by all means, make the flame bigger!"

"I'm good," I laughed dryly.

"So, what are you doing out here all alone?"

I didn't answer here, she knew I wouldn't. I had said that she didn't think things through, but in truth she did.

She thought everything through, and I thought about nothing. I don't know what I'm doing. I have to get the rings, though, but the only problem is I don't know how. "What are you doing?" I asked, watching her closely, as she slid the last ring onto her pinky finger.

"They'll die if the rings are touched by death," she stated, holding a knife that I recognized as my Wiccan Promise Knife. When had she taken that from me?

"Wait, what do you mean, they'll die if they're touched by death? They can only die if the rigs are destroyed! I made it so!"

"You really don't think things through, so you? obviously you never finished your reading," she rolled her eyes. "The scripture said '_To keep them safe, you use your blood brought out by your Blessed Promise and keep within arm's reach. To keep them gone, use the Blood of the Dead begotten from that same Promise_.'"

**Oh, cliffhanger! So, this is officially the shortest chapter that I have EVER written. I am so sorry. But if it makes you feel any better, I have already started Chapter Nine and that'll probably be up sometime tomorrow…**

**Wanna review and tell me what you think? Do you know why I keep writing in this author's note? It's because I would feel really…like a horrible person if this chapter isn't AT LEAST one thousand words.**

**Twenty three more words to go. **

**So, can you pretty please review and tell me what you think of my story? I have the ending pretty much all planned out. Wanna hint?**

**Yes**

**No**

**If you answered yes, **

** Someone's going to die. There's the hint! Pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding, pudding. Yeah, I went there!**

**If you answered No, then not only are you a wuss, but you will live in suspense of what I had to say, and this is what you have to do, read below:**

** There is no hint for you, so either, you change your answer or someone's going to die! Haha I gave you the hint anyways! HaHAHAHA!**

**So, yeah, someone's going to die, but I'm not gonna tell you who, maybe if you reviewed and told me, like, who you think it's going to be…oh, and here's some junk, if you have an iPod Touch and an internet connection, you can post reviews a lot easier than you can on the computer with the new format, same if you have a phone with internet, just saying! You know to make it easier!**

**Lots of love!**

**Yours psychotically,**

**Vee**


	9. Chapter 9

**This is so much fun. I'm in a car right now, going home FOUR DAY EARLY from vacation. Wanna know why? Because of my brother, that's why. He got homesick and went crying to mommy, and now we have to go home. I don't want to go home. I don't like my house. I don't like…**

**See, while I was on vacation, I was away from my mother and my father and for a time, my brother. I didn't have to deal with their shit. I don't like them, so I didn't want to go back. Now I' m going home early. I love my life…-_-…**

**Disclaimer: if I owned Naruto, I would take the money that I make with it, move out of my house and never look at my family again.**

I felt my heart stop. "The Blessed Promise is my Wiccan Promise Knife, I know that. To keep them gone meaning to get rid of them. I remember reading those, but the Blood of the Dead? When I read it, it said '_When Death's Touch reaches your Promise, their safety is no more_.' When did they change… why would they change?"

"They are all one from context, they mean the same thing," Tiffany waved my concern away. "So, you know what will happen?"

"Why are you willing to go to such far extents just to ruin my life?" I asked. "Wasn't what you did in high school enough?"

"What I did in high school was in the past, I did that for _fun_. I'm doing this because you hate me. You've _always_ hated me. For no reason! Why?"

"For no reason? For no reason? I think I had plenty of reason, just using the high school examples-"

"But can't you forgive and forget?"

"I might've been able to forgive you," I said. "If you had asked for forgiveness. If I had seen that you were truly sorry. There is no point forgiving a soul that wishes not to be cleansed-"

"Don't go all Krishna on me!" Tiffany shouts. "IT's your fault he's dead!"

"There is no death for holy souls. Besides even Krishna said, 'All that are born must die, and all that die shall be reborn.' You know that. You and I were there when he said that! You remember, don't you?"

Tiffany started shaking her head. "No, I-I wasn't there…I couldn't have been…I…"

"Come on, Longing," I said, using her real name. "You do remember. He was preaching and that very same night, he was killed. You know this-"

"But if you hadn't been there, he wouldn't have died-"

"I killed him, though," I told her. "I killed Krishna and I'm proud. His spirit still lives on and he visits my mother, our mother, Sita. Come now, tell me you remember?"

"All I remember is you shooting an arrow at his Achilles' Heel…"

"Hmmm, I do seem to remember that being how I killed him," I agreed. "Now, why do you want me to be in pain?"

"Because I hate you!"

"Why do you hate me?"

"Because you hate me!"

"And why do I hate you?" I asked, calmly.

"I-I don't know…" she put her head dead.

"Then you hate blindly," I told her. "You're hate is not true. You hate me because you claim I hate you, but that is not true. I do not hate you. it is a strong thing to hate. I love you since you're my sister, and I love you as a person, but I hate the things you do."

"I worked so hard," Tiffany whispered. "To make you like me. To get your respect-"

"You had my respect, until you and your so-called friends starting picking on us. Until you lost your sanity and started to do this!"

"I TRIED _SO_ HARD," she yelled. "TO LIVE UP TO THE EXPECTATIONS-"

"BUT MOTHER ALWAYS LIKED YOU BEST!" we yelled in unison. We pause, confused. _What did she just say?_

"Why would you say that mother always liked me best?" I asked.

"Because Mother always told me how well you were doing," Tiffany whispered. "She was always talking about how much better you were than me. How you would accomplish more than me in life. I don't understand why you would think that Mother likes me best-"

"Because Mother always compared me to you. I got honors, but you had friends. I did my homework, but you were out in a relationship. You would give her grandchildren while I would give her nothing," I told her. "You were always better in the things that counted. She must have-"

"Been trying to push us to be the best that we could be," tiffany interrupted. "in our strong points, we were great, but we were opposites. You were all homework and grades and I was all friends and boys. She was trying to get us to get better in the things that we weren't good at."

"But she never saw that it was tearing us apart, not bringing us together." I finished, understanding. "I get it now."

"Me too, I think," she replied. "I think I understand what she was trying to accomplish, and-"

"And she did accomplish it, in some way, right? You're going to college, I heard. And I have a boyfriend, and friends."

"Yeah, we accomplished the only things that were tearing us apart-"

"There's just one thing that I don't understand," I said. "Why would you try to ruin the one good thing that ever happened to me? Why would you try to take away my friends? My boyfriend? The only things that made me happy?"

Tiffany looked at me. And opened her mouth-

**That's all for this chapter! Mwahahaah! Now you have to wait! Mwahaha! My battery's dying, so…Bye! Ttyl! Hasta la Pasta! See ya later, Armadillos! Adios! Please feel free to review, if you wanna? Maybe? I didn't get any reviews for the last chapter, so I don't know if people are still reading? Am I doing something wrong?**

**Anywaysss, loves and hugs,**

**Yours psychotically,**

**Vee**


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm so sorry I haven't posted regularly! I am so very sorry…won't you please forgive me? I truly am sorry…thanks for the reviews everyone by the way.**

**Disclaimer: I do not nor have I or will I ever own Naruto, and I'm almost sure that none of you do either.**

_Recap: "There's just one thing that I don't understand," I said. "Why would you try to ruin the one good thing that ever happened to me? Why would you try to take away my friends? My boyfriend? The only things that made me happy?"_

_Tiffany looked at me. And opened her mouth-_

"Don't you see?" she demanded. "_I _was the one that _gave _you them. I brought them here. I brought them to you!"

"What…what do you mean?"

"If I hadn't taken your spell-cast rings then the Akatsuki wouldn't be here. I _knew_ that you loved them. I knew. So I thought that if I somehow found a way to bring them here, then you and I would get along better. So I went into your room and took your Akatsuki rings. I thought that I was obvious taking them. I knew that you would notice if I took the rings of your favorite characters. I left _so_ many clues that it was me."

"Wait…you what?"

"In taking the rings, I brought the Akatsuki into your house. Into your life. I thought that you_ knew_ that I had taken them, so when I came over for dinner; I was expecting you to be happy. I was expecting a thank you, at _least_. Which is why you can probably understand how I felt when you kept giving me the cold shoulder."

"No…wait. But I didn't even realize that the rings had anything to do with the Akatsuki members until dinner."

"Which would explain it…" Tiffany sighed. "But I was so mad that you wouldn't acknowledge me, that you wouldn't _thank_ me. I left a while after you stormed out to leave with Deidara. I stood waiting behind a bush, watching and waiting. Waiting for you to come. So I could tell you."

"You were mad…that's why…oh, that's why you…I…I think I understand now, why you threatened me. And I'm sorry, Tiffany," I said. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I was always under the impression that you tried to make my life miserable."

"I never tried to hurt you, only this one time, but…"

"It's fine, Tiffany. I was the bitch here," I told her. "I see that now. I never gave you a chance. You were always better than me, so I decided to ignore you. I was a complete bitch, and I understand why you were about to do what you were going to do."

"All I ever wanted was for you to love me, to accept me," Tiffany started to cry. "You know that, right? You know that I only wanted you to be happy and be my friend?"

"Well, now we can be friends," I smiled, walking towards her. "Because we understand each other now. You know…" I broke off laughing. "I was always, sort of jealous of your hair."

Tiffany laughed backed with me. "My…haha…my hair?"

"Yeah, it was always so…I dunno perfect. It's so…beautiful…"

"You have the same exact hair type as me, though," she laughed.

"I don't know. I think it's because yours is blond. That's what makes yours look so much better than mine…"

I was standing in front of her now. "Kalika…" she didn't know what to say, and, to tell you the truth, neither did I.

But apparently I didn't have to say anything, though, because she hugged me. I froze under the sudden bodily contact. I don't really _do_ the hugging thing, but I hugged her back. Just this once. Because she was my sister and I finally get her.

"Aw, how sweet," a sneering, monotonous, voice said from the opening of the ally.

I broke the hug, spinning around, pushing Tiffany behind me, all in one swift movement. I faced the new voice. "Y-you…?"

"Yes, me. Who did you think it was?" the mystery person sneered.

"But…what are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? I've _been_ here. Watching you two and I am _quite_ surprised at you Tiffany."

"Tiffany?" I asked, turning towards my sister. "What is he talking about?"

"You don't understand. I didn't know what it was at first, because it was just a voice inside of my head. So I listened to it, and he made me, Kalika. I didn't choose to do it. It was him!"

"So, you really didn't tell her while you were confessing to each other? How pitiful," the man said. "Kalika, your sister betrayed you. While she was searching for a way to get you to love her, I was using her."

"Wait, you made Tiffany take the rings?"

"Yes."

"Why? What did you have to gain?"

"You see, while she was winning you over, I was plotting how to destroy them-"

"Who, them? Who were you planning to destroy?"

"…"

"Who?" I demanded.

"That is none of your concern."

"If you were going to use the rings to destroy someone then that means that you were planning on destroying one of your fellow Akatsuki members, isn't that right…" I inferred. "Sasori?"

**(Author's Interjection: What the FUCK? I did not see that coming…)**

"You guessed it," Sasori smiled, coming out of the shadows, my flame's light illuminating his handsome features.

"Wait…then who were you specifically trying to destroy?"

"All of them. Especially the brat. I'm sick of them. All of them. They don't understand t_rue_ art. And for that, they will pay."

"Being a little dramatic there, Sasori?"

"Don't take that superior tone with me! You're another one! You don't understand art! And you never will!"

"Sasori…YOU'RE CRAZY! I can't believe I found you undeniably sexy…not as sexy as Deidara of course, but…"

"Um…Kalika, maybe you should focus on the problem at hand…" Tiffany whimpered.

"Huh? Oh, yeah! Sasori, you're fucking crazy! There's no…you can't…they're your team!"

"They're orders-"

"From who?"

"No one that would concern you."

"Sasori," I growled. "A respectable man, who may or may not be real at this point in time, once told his students that those who disobey orders are scum, but those who turn their backs on their comrades are even worse than scum. Sasori are you worse than scum?"

"I am art!" he said. "I don't need comrades. I am eternal. Art!"

"Yeah, you're so eternal! That's why Sakura Haruno and an old lady—your grandmother—killed you!"

"I am ETERNAL! And I am SICK of this blabber! Let's end this," the redhead growled.

"Yeah, yeah, alright. I get it; you're—Wait, what? End this? End this how what do you mean? Sasori, what are you-" I screamed.

Sasori pulled out a kunai and dashed towards my sister, stabbing her effectively in the stomach. He pushed it in further and blood gushed out of her mouth.

"Tiffany!" I shrieked.

She looked at me, trying to talk, but all that came out was a loud gurgling noise and more blood. Sasori pulled out the weapon, wiping the blood off on his cloak.

"How could you?" I cried. "Why would you kill my sister-"

"'_To keep them safe, you use your blood brought out by your Blessed Promise and keep within arm's reach. To keep them gone, use the Blood of the Dead begotten from that same Promise_,'" Sasori quoted my sister word for word. "Can't you understand that I have nothing against your sister? She just happened to be the one who bears the rings. She must die for them to die."

"Are you stupid?" I shouted. I barely noticed the tears streaming down my face. "Your ring is on her too!"

"But I am eternal! I cannot die!"

"No! I made the ring to bring you back after you did die, you moron! Now, you're all gone…And you took my sister," I growled, feeling the anger rising in me. The flames in my hand flickered a moment before turning a sinister black color. I could feel my eyes changing from their usual sapphire blue to the piercing red. I knew what to do.

I wasn't named after Kali Ma for nothing, after all.

I ran towards him fast enough to look as though I were teleporting. I turned him around to face me by his shoulder, my face contorted in rage. I looked him in his soulless eyes. "Die."

And he did. He fell to the ground, limp.

I smirked. "That's for my sister, retard." _Speaking of which, is she okay?_ "Tiffany," I said, gently, kneeling by her body. Her breathing was labored, but the blood had stopped coming out of her mouth. I couldn't say the same for her stomach though.

She looked at me, smiling. "Tiffany, I'm sorry for everything. I didn't mean for you to get hurt. If I had just tried to get along with you then this would have never happened. I'm sorry…"

Tiffany shook her head. "Kika," she croaked out. "I'm sorry…not you. I ruined it…again. The best things…that ever happened to you…they're…gone…because of me…" she began coughing uncontrollably.

"Tiffany…" I started to cry again. My sister…she's…

She's not breathing. "Oh my god," I cried. "No, no, no, no…" I started pushing on her chest. "Breathe, dammit. Please. You have to live. I need to know you! PLEASE!" I yelled at the sky. "Tiffany…"

It started raining. How fitting. The rain drops mixed with my tears. Pure water mixing with the tainted-red bloody tears that I cry. I lost everyone. Everyone I ever cared about so deeply. They're gone. And I'm always left to tell the tale.

I'm always the one left to mourn. And I do. Because it's always my fault. Now my sister's dead. My newest friends are dead. It happened before, but there's one difference.

This time I can't bring them back.

This time, they'll stay dead.

This time, I can't change what happened.

I laid down with my head on my sisters now still chest. "Tiffany, I'm sorry…" I murmured over and over, lulling myself into a deep dark abyss.

Hopefully this time I won't wake up…

**Wow! That chapter took a lot out of me! It's not even that long either! So much emotion! I hope I didn't rush anything. I'm not sure how I felt about this chapter, but… I hoped you liked it! Please review and tell me what you think! I need the inspiration! **

**Yours psychotically,**

**Vee**


	11. Chapter 11

**Sooo…I just wanna say thanks again for the awesome reviews! They made my dayyy! Hah, before I start this chapter though, I'm going to tell you about something that you probably don't care about. **

**So I wake up this morning all "Lalala, it's 10am and I just woke up! Lalalalala!" then, I heard a noise while I was about to come down the stairs, and I was like "Oh, fuuuuuuuucccckkkk no."**

**So I went downstairs to investigate, right? It was my fucking stupid ass eight year old brother…grrr…he's not supposed to be home. He's supposed to go to grandmother's house and not be here. I'm the only one that's supposed to be here.**

**I HATE watching my brother. Wanna know why? Because he's annoying. He eats food weird. He sasses me. Can you believe that? No, no. I do not take eight year old sassing. That will not fly with me. **

**So I call my mother, because this is the second time she did this to me. Wanna know the difference between this time and the first time? The First time, she texted me, telling me that she left him home with me. It still pissed me off then, but at least she told me.**

**Yeah, so she leaves my eight year old ass-licking brother home with a sleeping girl who hates his guts and doesn't tell her. I could've been sleeping until way after noon, okay. Yeah, so, back to the story.**

**I called my mother, all pissed off and what not, and she answers all cheery like, right? So I tell her to stop leaving him home with me. And she's all like "Oh, I was going to be late for work so I had to leave him home with you…"**

**Well, that's no excuse, mother. You're late for work practically every day. When you leave someone for another someone to baby sit, you're supposed to tell the babysitter, and another thing. I expect to get paid for having to watch, feed, and care for this little ass licking brat. But don't expect me to do it nicely. I intend to be a bitch while I tend to his every fucking need…yeah right. I'll be a bitch, sure, but I'm only going to feed him.**

**Stupid brothers…wake up earlier if you don't want to be late, stupid mother….**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto…but I own a Deidara Akatsuki ring! It's my most prized possession at the moment…**

My head hurts. So bad. I hear these muffled voices, but I can't tell where they are coming from. I opened my eyes, only to close them from the offending sunlight that just blinded me.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I turned myself over onto my side. The voices stopped. Someone touched me. I screamed, my eyes shooting open. Hey, look it's my brother….what's his name again?

Amon? No, that isn't right… Axel? No, no. Alec? No, I don't think so…Alex? It seems familiar, but it doesn't quite fit… Jugo? No, he's not freakishly tall. Narutard? No, no, who would name their child that? I would…no I wouldn't, people could make jokes…what's his name? God dammit!

I coughed. "Kalika? Kalika can you hear me?" my brother asked me.

I blinked a few times, looking downward. "Who…? Am I Kalika?"

"Y-yes, you are sweet-ums," a woman said. I turned my head to look at her. She's not a woman, I laughed. That's…that girl. My friend. The one with the obsession with Tobi. "Do you remember anything about the last few days?"

"Uh…I don't know," I said. "What happened?"

"The Akatsuki…" she trailed off.

"What about them?"

"You really don't remember anything?" my brother asked gently.

They were looking at me so intensely. I started panicking. _What's going on? Who…who am I? What can't I remember?_

I can't breathe. Now, the girl is crying and the boy's comforting her. "D-don't…cry…" I managed to gasp out.

My brother looked at me, telling me what happened during the past few days. When he finished his story, I looked at him. "That's not funny! I can't remember anything and you're making jokes? That's…terrible!"

"I'm not joking, Kika," he told me."

"It would be horrible to joke like that…" the girl added through her sobs.

"Prove it to me!" I demanded. "Show me proof that the Akatsuki were in our homes!"

My brother sighed and left the room, coming back in a few minutes later with a pile of things in his hands. He held up a receipt for…Friendly's. "This was from exactly to days ago when you took Tobi and Deidara out for ice cream."

"No, it could have been us three," I denied.

He sighed. "This is a piece of Deidara's hair."

"Anyone could have blond hair, though…"

"I didn't want to do this, but…these are your Akatsuki rings. The ones that you cursed," he held them up. They were all on the same chain now, covered in blood.

"How'd you get those-"

"I told you Tiffany took them. The curse was broken."

I shook my head vigorously. "No, no, no, no, no, no," I said. "There's no way."

"Feel for yourself," he handed them to me.

As I felt the chain, I felt that my magic wasn't on there. It must've been broken, but…I feel someone else's magic…who's?

I reached out and touched Kakuzu's ring. I felt a pulling sensation and got dizzy. Then suddenly, I was standing behind Sasori, watching a different me bother Kakuzu about giving me a dollar. I laughed. That is exactly something I would do!

I felt someone's eyes on me, and I turned. I came face to face with Deidara. He's holding Kakuzu's ring.

He smiled, holding it out to me. I returned his smile, reaching out and grabbing the ring. I felt the pulling sensation yet again and I was back in my room with my brother and the girl, Alex. "Did I bother Kakuzu for a dollar?"

"Yes," Alex laughed. "Then you told him you lost it and asked him for another one. He got up and almost tried to kill you, but then Hidan, Sasori, and Deidara stepped in front of you, stopping him."

"Is that what you saw?" Adam questioned me.

I nodded. "Yes. I believe you guys. I'm sorry that I put you through all that! I…I'm so sorry!"

They smiled. "You've put us through worse," they said in unison.

I laughed. "You bet your biscuits I did! Oh, my god…What happened to my walls?" I screeched.

"I yelled at you for not putting out a fire and you got really pissed, but then Tobi came up and he cheered you up, but then he was sad, so you took him out for ice cream, but he demanded that his sempai come, too."

"Oh…that's cool, I guess… so what happened to the Akatsuki members?"

"Well, everyone except Pein came into our world, which is weird seeing as his ring was gone too, but they were destroyed-"

"Hey! Wait a minute! While I was seeing stuff with Kakuzu's ring…Deidara was there. I don't think I remember him being there in that room when that actually happened…but he was there and he handed me…That's it! He handed me Kakuzu's ring before it was damaged-"

"So, that's why you have two Kakuzu rings?" Alex asked.

"Babers," I said. "What if I could get all the rings before-"

"No, if Deidara saw you that that means you can alter things," Adam interrupted. "You could ruin the whole time thingy."

"You're right…so…they're all dead?"

"Dead and gone…" Alex trailed off, sniffling.

"I'm going downstairs," I said, swinging my legs off the bed and standing up. "I need some sad time pudding."

I walked out of my door slowly. Slowly making my way down the hall and down the stairs. _If what they told me was true, then I lost my first boyfriend…damn that sucks…I'm gonna need a lot of sorrow-drowning-out pudding. I hope I didn't eat it all the last time I was happy…_

I was in the kitchen, looking at the slice in the countertop near the sink. I smiled. "I did that when Stephanie was here…" my smile faded. "That was right before…"

I shook my head, making my way to the fridge. As I reached out to open the handle, I realized that I was still holding the rings. I breathe caught. I just killed ten members of one of the most popular animes ever! That cannot be good…

"Kalika-Chan!" oh goodness, if I think about them really hard. I can still hear Tobi calling my name in that cut little Tobi was of his…

"Kalika-Chan! TOBI WANTS To KNOW If YOU ARE OKAY BECAUSE Tobi IS A GOOD BOY!"

I screamed. I know I have an overactive imagination, but this is ridiculous! "Tobi stop it!" another voice came. It kind of sounded like a British man…

"But Kalika-Chan thinks Tobi is a good boy. Kalika-Chan told Tobi that she thinks Tobi is a good boy! Did Kalika-Chan…lie to Tobi?"

I blinked and rubbed my eyes, realizing that I was crying. I turned around. There in all its evil psychopathic, murdering glory stood the nine members of the Akatsuki. "Wait! Where's…oh, never mind…" I said, remembering that I had killed Sasori.

"You are Kalika, is that right?" Pein asked me in that—**A/I: SEXY!**—voice of his.

"Y-yes…" I said. "Why?"

"Because you are the one who killed Sasori."

"Oh…well you see, it wasn't exactly _my_ fault. See, he killed my sister to whom I had just made up with and I was kinda pissed off so I just…yeah…"

"He was always saying that true art is eternal," I heard a voice say. I smiled. "How ironic! Now he's dead!"

"Deidara, shouldn't be more…mourningful?" I questioned. "He was your partner after all…"

"Yes, but he tried to hurt you."

"Technically he tried to hurt me and kill all of you," I shrugged. "So…how'd you guys survive?"

"We wanted to ask you the same question," Pein answered.

"Oh…well, I don't know. I was, like…passed out for twenty-four hours, so…yeah…"

"Leader-sama," Konan asked. "Can we go find the others?"

"You just want to go see your boyfriend," Pein replied. "Go ahead."

"Thank you, Leader-sama." And she scampered away down the hall. Okay, no, she turned into paper and…flew down the hall, but same difference.

"Pein-sama," I asked, being all formal and whatnot. "Have you ever had pudding?"

"What?"

I opened the fridge and pulled out a pudding cup. Opening the lid, I grabbed a spoon and handed the items to him. "Here, take a bite!"

"It could be poisoned."

"Really? Really? Would you like me to take a bite?" so I did. Mmmm, pudding. Yummah yummah yumm!

He shrugged his shoulders and took a bite. His face went from stoic and unfeeling to a look of bliss.

"Do you _LOVE _it?" I demanded. He nodded vigorously, shoveling more spoonfuls into his mouth.

"See? No one can resist my loving nature! Because I'm BOX FIST MAN!" I giggled. "No I'm not, but I like pie."

"Loving nature, hmm?"

I turned around, facing the speaker of those words. "Hey, Dei."

"I missed you, un."

"I'm sorry for, you know, knocking you out," I said, pouting up at him. he laughed, stepping close to me.

"That's alright, hmm," he smiled, looking down at me with his one showing eye.

"Are you sure?"

"What do you mean, un?"

"Are you sure you're okay, Deidara-kun?"

He smiled. "I don't know, un. Why don't you kiss it and make it better, yeah?"

"Whatever you say, Deidara," I smiled, standing on my tiptoes—God I'm so short—and pecking him on the cheek.

He shook his head, grabbing my waist and pulling me towards him. I grinned as his lips met mine. Giggled against his mouth and I felt him grin. I don't know how he puts up with me.

"Aw, man! The bitch is with that fucker?" I heard Hidan yell along with a string of profanities that would make the Elder Swear look lame. **(A/I: if you don't know what the elder's swear is. Then go onto YouTube and type in Potter Puppet Pals Wizard Swears, and watch it. I personally like the Vortex and Mysterious Ticking Noise the bestest.)**

I pulled away from Deidara, and faced Hidan. "What's the matter Hidan? You jelly?"

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"You jealous? You jelly? Huh? Huh? Huh?"

Deidara put his hands on my waist again, pulling me back to him. he whispered in my ear. "I don't know how I put up with you…"

I laughed. "Me neither!" I noticed something, though. Something wrong. I turned around, looking past Deidara. "Yahiko! Pein! Cease your vast consuming of my pudding, you monster!"

I ran over to him, pulling his head out of the fridge and noticed that there was a pile of empty pudding cups. "You…you monster! How could you! now you're going to pay!" I growled. "You will face my wrath. Feel my FURY! YOU WILL TREMBLE BENEATH MY ALMIGHTY…" I took a big breath of air, looking around as I did. A few Akatsuki members were trembling. Tobi looked like he was going to pee his pants! "Deidara!"

I started to giggle uncontrollably at the looks on everyone's faces. "Deidara, Pein ate all my pudding!" I whined like a little child. "Blow him up! Make Pein go BOOM!"

"Uh...I can't do that, un…"

"Why not!" I cried. "He's being mean to me! Don't you care?"

"Of course I care, un. But he's my leader. I'm not allowed to blow him up."

"He's not your leader," a deep voice replied. "I am!"

We turned and looked at Tobi. "Madara Uchiha!"

People got these 'what-the-fuck' looks on their faces, and I had to be the one to shout, "WHAT? NO YOU'RE NOT! IN THIS STORY YOU'RE JUST TOBI! YOU'RE NOT MADARA!"

"Well, the author lied! I AM Madara Uchiha! And there is nothing you can do to stop me! Mwahahaha."

"Well, there is one thing," I replied.

He abruptly stopped laughing. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I heard the author was going to end the chapter now, so…I think that stopped you."

"But there will be another chapter, yes?"

"I…don't know…"

"Just kidding. I am Tobi. Tobi is a good boy."

**The end! So what did you think? Should this be the last chapter? Or should I have an epilogue thingy. If I am to have an epilogue, what should it be about? I don't know what to do! I'm so confuzzled. Anyways, if this is going to be my last chapter, I love you all. Thank you for reading! Please review and tell me what you think!**

**Loves and hugs,**

**Yours psychotically,**

**Vee**


	12. Final Chapter: Epilogue: Important AN

**Okay, for all of you readers that usually skips my author's notes and rants YOU MUST RREAD THIS! IT'S SO DAMN IMPORTANT IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY!**

**Okay so, this is the last chapter of True Art in the Real World. I'm gonna cry! So I want to thank all of you readers who stuck by my randomness from the very beginning! That you for reviewing! I love you all! Even though Deidara will always have my heart…**

**Good news! I MADE UP THIS CHALLENGE-Y THINGY FOR MYSELF! See I'm going to write twenty (20) new fanfiction involving Naruto by July 27****th****, starting today. By July 27****th****, at least one chapter of all twenty (20) fanfictions will be posted. One shots are accepted, and characters may be used more than once.**

**See now I have fifteen stories already planned out, I need five more, so…**

**What I need YOU to do, my beautiful and handsome readers, will be to review on this chapter, telling me about your OC that you want to see in one of my stories and who they will be paired up with. I want all of you to read my twenty (20) challenge fanfics, review, and tell me which ones you like bestest.**

**Oh and you also have to keep me focused and motivated, but htat's what the reviews are for. So onward!**

**Disclaimer: I own naught Naruto for if I did, thou walst being happy-ith!**

**Claimer: I do own Alex, Adam, and Kalika, so nyahhh! You can't have them! And Leo, I want my twenty bucks!**

Epilogue:

Okay, introducing Pein to pudding wasn't a brilliant idea. Now I'm all out of pudding. But I have me Deidara back, so I guess that makes up for it.

We tried looking up what allowed them to live, but found nothing. It dies help that PEIN WASN"T FOCUSING! But that's not the point right now.

"Deidara, stop trying to kiss me," I playfully pushed his face away. "I'm trying to watch my show."

"You've been watching 'your show' for the whole day," he groaned next to my ear. He nipped it playfully.

"But, Dei, I haven't seen the Secret Saturdays for, like, ever! And the Teen Titans rock! And… and…what else?"

"That show with the woman who could talk to the dead…"

"Yeah, Ghost Whisperer is amazing!"

"Whatever you say…"

"Deidara, why are you being so affectionate as of late?" I demanded, turning to face him on the couch.

He pulled away from me. Looking down, he was quiet for a few moments. Before speaking he took a deep breath, and so much emotion leaked out as he said, "I almost lost you once…" then he trailed off. I waited, hoping that he'd continue. He didn't.

"No," I sighed. "_I _almost lost _you_ once."

"But I would have been my fault, un…"

"Noooo," I drew out the word, poking him in the cheek. "It would have been Sasori no Danna's fault, silly. Besides I knocked you out, what could you have-"

I broke off as Deidara pushed his lips against mine. I giggled, kissing him back. "Holy Jesus!" I yelled, pulling away from him a moment later, staring at the screen. "Samurai Jack? No way! Deidara! Go get Alex and Adam and the rest of the Akatsuki."

He sighed, about to stand up when I pushed him back down.

"No time! ADAM! ALEX! AKATSUKI MEMBERS! GET YOUR RASSES DOWN HERE NOW, YOU STUPID FUDGENUTS AND PUDDING THEIFS!"

Soon after a chorus of footsteps were heard. "What is it?" a multitude of people asked me.

"Fudgenuts, look! It's Samurai Jack! I lovvved this show!" I exclaimed.

"You're stupid," Alex sighed, sitting beside me on Tobi's lap. Everyone else soon followed.

Now it was dead silent, excepting the television sounds, until one dared to interrupt my Samurai Jack time…

"Hey, you got any more pudding?" Pein exclaimed.

"Oh! Mah! Jashin, Pein! Could you _be_ anymore OC?" I demanded to know, jumping up from my seat on the couch and getting all up in his space.

Hidan, being the douchebag he is, took this chance to steal my seat on the couch. "Dei-Dei!" I whined, walking over to where they were seated. "Hidan took my seat! Blow him up!"

"I can't he's a fellow member, un."

I pouted. "Fine, then I'll just sit on him!" and I did, until he threw me off screaming about how much of a "Fucking heavy bitch" I was. The nerve of him! doesn't he know better than to call a girl heavy? "Deidara! He…he hurt me! And my feelings! Blow him up! Pretty please? It's not like he can die or anything! Besides Pein's not being the oh-so-powerful-great-and-scary-leader he always is, so you can get away with it!"

"Come here, un," he said, opening his arms. I stood up from the floor and made my way over to him, pouting.

"Yes?" he pulled me onto his lap and kissed my temple.

"Is that better, un?"

"Maybe…" I drew out the word in a sing-songy-typo way.

"What would make it better, hmm?"

"If people would SHUT UP and let me watch my show IN PEACE!" I yelled, nuzzling my face in Deidara's neck. "You smell nummy."

"Um…thank you, un?"

"I loooove you."

"I-"

"Shh! No, don't say it! No. Okay. Now please don't be all cliché-"

"I'll let this speak for itself-"

"That's kinda cliché…but I'll take it!" I leaned forward pecking him on the lips. "Gosh, you're too nice to me!"

"you know why?"

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

"Aww! Dei-kun!"

"Get a room!" Alex shouted.

"You're just jealous of what we have!" I yelled back.

"Why would I be jealous of you? Deidara's kind of a wimp-" insert a gasp from me. "Besides I have Tobi-"

"Who's a weirdo!"

"So are you, Kika!"

"Yeah, but you don't like me in any romantical way!...or…do you?"

"Ew! That's groty!" we yelled.

"Just keep your eyes off my Dei-kun-"

"I told you I have Tobi-"

"And I told you I have Deidara!"

"And I told you that I have Konan!" Adam yelled.

"And I have pudding!" Pein added.

"And I have my Jashin-sama!" Hidan obviously.

"And I have no one!" Itachi and Kisame yelled in unison, running to the emo corner, hiding their faces in shame.

"Don't worry, my youthful comrades!" I yelled all Rock-Lee-ish like. "I am sure that you and your youthfulness will one day soon fine love!"

**Uh…the end! I think… yeah, it's the end of the end! How sad! I'm going to cry! Give me tissues and leave me reviews for my SELF-INFLICTED CHALLENGE! I really need your help! Don't fail me now!**

**Loves and hugs, my lovies!**

**XoXo o/_\o that's my Itachi face!**

**Vee!**


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